HPN SHIT FLIXE: Vote in the October Horror poll!!!! ROUND 2

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in


The Gingerdead Man
Night of the Demons 3
Shrunken Heads
Simon Says
Total votes : 6

Postby Ampersand » Sun May 06, 2018 11:42 pm

Code: Select all
[22:11] <@Ampersand_> 3
[22:11] <@Ampersand_> 2
[22:11] <@Ampersand_> 1
[22:11] <trebbers> Thou shant not lie in your production company name.
[22:11] <importantdeist> ah i doubt that
[22:11] <RiXX_> Lol
[22:11] <bob511> Flawless Porduc-fuck
[22:11] <importantdeist> angelson wow
[22:11] <besoin> welp, i was totally off in another window
[22:11] <besoin> time?
[22:12] <RiXX_> Quinton
[22:12] <importantdeist> 30 secs
[22:12] <besoin> can someone give me 1:30
[22:12] <dan2> giving a tomato steroids= sign of the end times
[22:12] <autarch> Al Sapienza
[22:12] <trebbers> Can't call your company 7th Heaven now
[22:12] <lhs> btw the first five mins of this are in aramaic with no subs
[22:12] <importantdeist> none of these names are spelled quite right
[22:12] <importantdeist> tom sizemore?? wtf
[22:12] <trebbers> It seems like he would possibly catch fire if near a bible
[22:12] <autarch> diana angelson seems fake
[22:13] <trebbers> Or perhaps the bible would catch fire
[22:13] <importantdeist> 1:30 now
[22:13] <importantdeist> and Anghelchev
[22:13] <besoin> thanks
[22:13] <importantdeist> i mean come on
[22:13] <RiXX_> shit do i need subs
[22:13] <trebbers> Yeah
[22:13] <trebbers> My question
[22:13] <besoin> you don't speak aramaic?
[22:13] <@Ampersand_> JEZUZ WUZ HERE
[22:13] <importantdeist> there were subs on this in the trailer
[22:14] <RiXX_> I think I get the gist
[22:14] <lhs> it's only the first 5 minutes
[22:14] <autarch> i can translate
[22:14] <lhs> and we all the know the story anyway
[22:14] <lhs> so enjoy the dumbshow
[22:14] <trebbers> The Jawas killed christ
[22:14] <importantdeist> jesus surprisingly chill about this
[22:14] <besoin> jesus was hitting the protein shakes
[22:14] <dan2> must be a bummer for jesus to have such a low turnout for his crucifixion
[22:14] <trebbers> "Bring me my Afrin"
[22:15] <autarch> that
[22:15] <RiXX_> woah jesus is sexy as fukk
[22:15] <autarch> that's actually a pretty good taunt
[22:15] <lhs> that dishtowel's gonna be an awesome relic
[22:15] <besoin> jesus's abs
[22:15] <trebbers> The dishtowel of turin
[22:15] <RiXX_> lol
[22:16] <trebbers> Really putting the x in P90X
[22:16] <importantdeist> not bad
[22:16] <dan2> why is all dusty around jesus but not around the other people?
[22:16] == blackplaque [6b4dc2be@gateway/web/freenode/ip.] has joined #hpnmovieseries
[22:16] <besoin> jesus begat pigpen
[22:17] <@Ampersand_> abducted her?
[22:17] <bob511> Who is she talking to?
[22:17] <besoin> i get it, the mirror is haunted
[22:17] <autarch> i want her to say MY WIFE
[22:18] <trebbers> Long ass line to the suicide booth
[22:18] <@Ampersand_> sadly, not enough Hamilton tickets for all of them
[22:18] <bob511> "One loaf and one fish per person."
[22:18] <importantdeist> i too love to do lines of expository dialogue in the line for my food rations
[22:18] <lhs> did she fall asleep
[22:19] == blackplaque [6b4dc2be@gateway/web/freenode/ip.] has quit [Client Quit]
[22:19] <autarch> dang i got out of sync let me know when it's 8:05
[22:19] <dan2> 8:05
[22:19] <bob511> Whoa.  Overnight?
[22:20] <importantdeist> oh man who was in charge of the boom mics
[22:20] <dan2> gonna be hard to find a birthday card on that day for the next 70 years
[22:20] <bob511> Like, did a million men get pregnant too?
[22:20] <besoin> should have just signed that anti-weed pledge
[22:20] <bob511> Er, billion.
[22:21] <autarch> preach
[22:21] <importantdeist> oh john i get it
[22:21] <trebbers> "No, just call me Star Wars"
[22:21] <autarch> what a dumb lady
[22:22] <autarch> so foolish
[22:22] <besoin> what id WOULD you need?
[22:22] <dan2> they're gonna carve a 20lb communion wafer
[22:22] <trebbers> Beat his line cutting ass
[22:22] <RiXX_> they should all start eating crickets and bugs
[22:22] <bob511> Wasn't there something about plants not growing anymore?
[22:23] <autarch> at least they're allowed to say merry christmas
[22:23] <dan2> that's the more important part to most people
[22:23] <besoin> armenians, eh
[22:23] <importantdeist> this guy
[22:23] <trebbers> Lots of choices in his head area
[22:24] <bob511> New World Potato Bugs Co
[22:25] <bob511> There's like a plant in literally every shot.
[22:25] <autarch> this oughta be good
[22:26] <lhs> looks like he threads his face
[22:26] <trebbers> Is this guy a chauffeur and hypeman
[22:26] <besoin> of all times
[22:26] <trebbers> "And finally, pick it up, pick it up"
[22:26] <importantdeist> oh is this what the UN looks like
[22:27] <dan2> Better Ingredients, Better Pizza, Poppa God's
[22:27] <trebbers> ahah what
[22:27] <@Ampersand_> *closes out Bibi's powerpoint before starting her own*
[22:27] <lhs> fuck not the minnesota wheat
[22:27] <dan2> nice going, BEES
[22:28] <@Ampersand_> "just like the millennials"
[22:28] <lhs> RIP jamba juice
[22:28] <trebbers> "And now, some bad news"
[22:28] <besoin> "what about the people food?!"
[22:29] <RiXX_> does Soylent still exist in this future
[22:29] <RiXX_> that's all I need
[22:29] <RiXX_> this scene lol
[22:29] <bob511> I don't think that woman in the front is going to need three months of rations.
[22:29] <dan2> Fort Knox is filled with King's Hawaiian Rolls now
[22:29] <besoin> what...what the fuck is this
[22:30] <importantdeist> oh man it's like a jesus bee
[22:30] <trebbers> what the fuck it that word
[22:30] <RiXX_> immortal plants
[22:30] <importantdeist> wait is anyone else concerned about self-cloning bees
[22:30] <dan2> listen lady, it's GOD's job to clone the bees, NOT man!
[22:30] <besoin> everyone in this movie looks like they have a chaturbate channel
[22:31] <dan2> all the bees you can eat!
[22:31] <bob511> Solving resource scarcity by allowing everyone to live forever.
[22:31] <importantdeist> really tepid applause here
[22:31] <trebbers> ahah
[22:31] <dan2> a car in every garage and a swarm of stewed bees in every pot
[22:32] <besoin> stick to your domain, dr. john
[22:32] <importantdeist> wait why did they invite this guy?
[22:32] <trebbers> He's a scientist?
[22:32] <RiXX_> he cured cancer
[22:32] <dan2> "made by Umbrella Corp"
[22:32] <besoin> he's duh nobel prize laureate for medicine
[22:32] <importantdeist> and he is also a pastor?
[22:33] <dan2> God turned on us the minute we started breeding dogs that were real low to the ground
[22:33] <importantdeist> like is he going off-script right now or
[22:33] <autarch> this guy is so rad
[22:33] <trebbers> Love the yawning extra
[22:33] <@Ampersand_> he's pasteurized
[22:33] <lhs> i can't hear what he's saying over the UN greenscreen
[22:33] <dan2> *from the crowd* "NO MORE DEAD CROPS"
[22:33] <trebbers> ahahah
[22:33] <autarch> love the whitehaired goateed guy
[22:33] <bob511> "And also, rent control only distorts the housing market."
[22:33] <trebbers> That's how i'm going to end all my conversations
[22:34] <importantdeist> that was not... really helpful
[22:34] <bob511> I guess he's....back?
[22:34] <autarch> penn jillettte
[22:34] <besoin> female bees = eternal life?
[22:35] <dan2> the hot new trend
[22:35] <importantdeist> i also love that he decided to wear a sweater and cuffed sleeves to address the UN on a matter of unprecedented seriousness
[22:35] <RiXX_> who the fuck is this guy
[22:35] <autarch> for those of you who are maybe asking yourselves "hey, who is this jesus fellow?"
[22:36] <importantdeist> wait how are we gonna kill the cows and stuff to make food
[22:36] <trebbers> Conkers Bad Death Day
[22:36] <bob511> "Just in time for you, Gladys."
[22:36] <trebbers> That meat is going to be screaming all the way down
[22:36] <besoin> is this some kind of russian propaganda
[22:36] <trebbers> This is the pee tape
[22:36] <autarch> penn jillette is my favorite character and it's not even close
[22:37] <dan2> he seems like he could be one of the wacky henchmen in like season 9 of Fargo
[22:37] <besoin> did he call her emma?
[22:38] <dan2> is that guy wearing a camo suit?
[22:38] <trebbers> woah
[22:38] <autarch> love this news anchor
[22:38] <besoin> the arrogant media
[22:38] <bob511> "Kato Kaelin, reporting live from the UN"
[22:38] <trebbers> Applying love today
[22:38] <besoin> BEE DR. HAS A PLAN
[22:38] <RiXX_> Top Stories  Fake Stories
[22:39] <autarch> is that actually what church is like?
[22:39] <besoin> is john eastern orthodox?
[22:39] <besoin> that's kind of a curveball
[22:39] <autarch> is church actually like that?
[22:39] <dan2> hell no
[22:39] <besoin> the eastern orthodox church? maybe
[22:40] <importantdeist> i don't think they chant in english in russian orthodox churches
[22:40] <autarch> getting billy mitchell vibes from this guy
[22:40] <trebbers> And other guy is generic Matthew Lillard
[22:40] <dan2> Billy MitcHELL
[22:40] <@Ampersand_> damn
[22:40] <besoin> shoot it
[22:40] <importantdeist> shoot it?
[22:40] <dan2> INSANEly large ornaments
[22:41] <RiXX_> Yeah fuck God's bees
[22:41] <autarch> is that fire real?
[22:41] <importantdeist> is "god's creation is perfect" an orthodox position in any religion
[22:41] <@Ampersand_> "if God was perfect, why would we need ADR?"
[22:41] <dan2> they're the size of her head
[22:41] <importantdeist> yeah fire has been fucking with me
[22:41] <autarch> the fire represents hell?
[22:41] <besoin> i hope it's not a spoiler, but alma is spanish for soul
[22:41] <trebbers> The Immortal Bee seems like it should be in a Shaw Brothers movie
[22:41] <lhs> her name is alba though
[22:41] <RiXX_> imagine being an athiest and your kid becomes a religious narc on you
[22:41] <lhs> what's that spanish for
[22:41] <besoin> oh, is it? i heard alma
[22:42] <RiXX_> Alba
[22:42] <besoin> thanks for clearing that up dr sarah
[22:42] <trebbers> Over the president
[22:42] <importantdeist> wonder who president is in this timeline
[22:43] <dan2> "you've got a big day making that immortal bee tomorrow"
[22:43] <autarch> damn, that really fucked with billy mitchell's head
[22:43] <lhs> gonna polish my suit now
[22:43] <besoin> alba is spanish for dawn apparently
[22:43] <trebbers> "0 days since an accident"
[22:43] <bob511> Heh
[22:43] <importantdeist> i assume it's not a coincidence that the last initiative that got so much international support was the paris accord
[22:43] <trebbers> I dont' like this
[22:43] <importantdeist> la madrugada
[22:43] <dan2> did anyone else hear that weird breathing
[22:43] <besoin> NOTHING will grow
[22:44] <trebbers> oh god
[22:44] <besoin> ESPECIALLY not roses
[22:44] <autarch> whoa they keep saying merry christmas
[22:44] <importantdeist> what is up with this guy
[22:44] <dan2> this guy is the president of the Turtle Club
[22:44] <autarch> eastern orthodox confirmed
[22:44] <besoin> i knew this movie would have the antichrist, but not nosferatu
[22:44] <trebbers> Dude looks like Impossible Man
[22:45] <besoin> oh god
[22:45] <dan2> the skin does not look...right
[22:45] <dan2> like it's gonna get ripped off Mission Impossible style at any moment
[22:45] <lhs> so many luxurious ponytails in this movie
[22:45] <besoin> there's no way american evangelicals approve of this movie which is for some reason centered around the russian orthodox church
[22:46] <autarch> hylyed be dy name
[22:46] <bob511> No, the Christian right loves Russia now.
[22:46] <lhs> can't russian-americans have their own nutty christian movies
[22:47] <besoin> this guy has come a long way from dating that boxer's estranged wife
[22:47] <besoin> boxer/ashley furniture salesman
[22:47] <dan2> I hope we get to explore all of Earth's warped views christianity
[22:47] <importantdeist> are there any good terrible seventh day adventist movies
[22:48] <@Ampersand_> "happy holidays, Mr. John"
[22:48] <besoin> mister doctor reverend john
[22:49] <importantdeist> "we have to film right now - those helicopters are almost in frame"
[22:49] <dan2> you're shipping the self-cloning bees?
[22:49] <@Ampersand_> imagine the postal worker who inspects the package full of bees
[22:49] <dan2> man what if you shook the self cloning bee box to figure out what was inside
[22:50] <autarch> this movie has an insane budget
[22:50] <besoin> it's mikey palmice
[22:50] <trebbers> Money laundering
[22:50] <dan2> I'm just gonna assume Sergei was one of the backers on this
[22:50] <trebbers> only explanation
[22:50] <besoin> leave the lentils
[22:51] <lhs> that guy was cowering like an npc when you wave a gun around
[22:51] <bob511> Unfortunately, they broke into a stone soup kitchen.
[22:51] <trebbers> Bible with a dye pack inside
[22:51] <dan2> lol treb
[22:51] <trebbers> uh
[22:51] <besoin> this movie is terrifying
[22:51] <autarch> yessss
[22:52] <autarch> hell yah
[22:52] <besoin> anna paquinova here
[22:52] <lhs> is his beard a stencil
[22:52] <dan2> "we did a Supermarket Sweep"
[22:53] <autarch> we're gonna have so much candy
[22:53] <trebbers> Location: Chinatown
[22:55] <importantdeist> don't drop them!!
[22:55] <trebbers> KREWISS
[22:55] <besoin> the bee eggs
[22:55] <dan2> "don't worry, we put plenty of packing peanuts in with your bees"
[22:55] <autarch> BEEEEatrix
[22:55] <trebbers> ahaahah
[22:55] <importantdeist> that makes sense
[22:55] <trebbers> Any idiot can clone a bee
[22:56] <besoin> the antichrist billy mays has been calling her "b"
[22:56] <dan2> humanity saved by grow lamps
[22:56] <lhs> "we'll make it work" *constructs gown out of bee clones*
[22:56] <importantdeist> the target audience for this really is bilingual english/russian prople huh
[22:57] <importantdeist> the chroma is making it look like that guy is actually in the background
[22:57] <trebbers> Love how their fake green screen situation board wobbles
[22:57] <dan2> well, that kind of goes without saying if there are no trees
[22:57] <importantdeist> this is the worst anchor i have ever seen
[22:57] <dan2> lmao
[22:57] <autarch> holy shit
[22:57] <dan2> I would watch this anchor 24/7
[22:57] <autarch> juicy steaks are no longer a delight
[22:58] <importantdeist> what does week 5 mean
[22:58] <importantdeist> i would love if this was hannibal burress
[22:58] <trebbers> Have to shoot these bees with a tiny gun to see if they're immortal
[22:59] <dan2> "and they ate JUICY DELICIOUS STEAKS"
[22:59] <lhs> bee steaks
[23:00] <besoin> is satan in prison?
[23:00] <autarch> There Will Bee Steaks
[23:00] <dan2> no, that's in one of my choices besoin
[23:00] <dan2> I hope there's a Rocky training montage where they pump up the bees
[23:01] <dan2> make them tougher
[23:01] <trebbers> The what
[23:01] <dan2> that's where they hold the death panels
[23:01] <bob511> Would the bee experiment hurry up and work?  I've got "immortal bee needs no fucking" ready to go.
[23:01] <importantdeist> the dining rooms?
[23:01] <dan2> lol bob
[23:02] <autarch> is this how she's finding out that she's adopted?
[23:02] <dan2> they must have all been thinking about those JUICY STEAKS they couldnt have anymore
[23:03] <lhs> amelie theme plays
[23:03] <autarch> you were so sick, brah
[23:03] <besoin> i hid you in my parka
[23:04] <dan2> I wish I could get this attached to even just one of the babies I stole
[23:04] <besoin> we're giving china the business now
[23:04] <besoin> what else is part of this movie's agenda
[23:04] <lhs> but only the beautiful ones
[23:05] <bob511> Took half the food off the shelves, replaced with his hot sauce.
[23:05] <lhs> is alba the second coming
[23:05] <bob511> Oh my god
[23:05] <trebbers> Is a song about to break out
[23:06] <besoin> where did she get a baby
[23:06] <lhs> china
[23:06] <@Ampersand_> virgin brith
[23:06] <dan2> *pours soup over baby*
[23:06] <besoin> but she's not wearing a parka
[23:06] <importantdeist> geez lady be a professional
[23:06] <trebbers> "Cow dead, news at 11"
[23:06] <dan2> oh god don't show me that cow, it'll make me think of something I shouldn't....
[23:07] <importantdeist> what about other animals
[23:07] <besoin> is that babylon
[23:07] <bob511> Seems like they're letting that cow go to waste.
[23:07] <trebbers> About to pull out a revolver on air
[23:07] <lhs> i think it's a casino
[23:07] <dan2> he actually took all the food off of the world's shelves so he could find the Cap'n Crunch box with the $100 gift certificate in it
[23:07] <importantdeist> the weird desert thing is giving me breen vibes
[23:07] <lhs> it's full of laptops
[23:08] <@Ampersand_> lolol
[23:08] <autarch> what's the building?
[23:08] <besoin> it's the old lady from the press conference
[23:08] <dan2> *puts bandana over forehead, flips down sunglasses, and begins making immortal bee*
[23:09] <bob511> Soldering bees.
[23:09] <dan2> hangin with Sergei
[23:09] <trebbers> What
[23:09] <besoin> helll
[23:09] <importantdeist> um
[23:09] <@Ampersand_> stung by an immortal bee
[23:09] <autarch> ohmygah
[23:09] <dan2> I want a buddy comedy with Sergei and the old trainer from that Sorbo boxing movie
[23:09] <RiXX_> wow i accidentally fell asleep
[23:09] <RiXX_> and woke up
[23:09] <besoin> meredith salenger
[23:09] <RiXX_> on that scene
[23:10] <RiXX_> what happened with the bees
[23:10] <RiXX_> are they immortal yet
[23:10] <autarch> alba can you hear me? can you feel me near you?
[23:10] <lhs> nope they're still some dead-ass bees
[23:10] <dan2> look, the immortal bee wasn't built in a day
[23:10] <importantdeist> are they treating her in the bathroom?
[23:11] <autarch> sorry, beatrix, looks like that little daughter of yours is going bye bye
[23:11] <dan2> we put a man on the moon, but we can't put an immortal bee onto the world's flowers?
[23:11] <trebbers> ahah
[23:11] <trebbers> Love this guy
[23:11] <bob511> They just came for the free wafers.
[23:11] <@Ampersand_> if only one could eat money
[23:11] <dan2> Humanity kill screen coming up
[23:11] <trebbers> Rough set at the comedy hut
[23:12] <@Ampersand_> hahaha dan
[23:12] <autarch> haha
[23:12] <trebbers> Beard is like one of those things where you draw with magnetic shavings
[23:13] <dan2> meanwhile in Civ III
[23:13] <lhs> they forgot to put the textures on the buildings
[23:13] <autarch> still can't get over the fact that they're all russian-american
[23:13] <@Ampersand_> they forgot to put the sfx
[23:14] <autarch> those footsteps are so loud
[23:14] <dan2> nah, they just decied to invent a silent helicopter right after the cancer cure
[23:14] <dan2> all the water?
[23:14] <besoin> all the water is gone now?
[23:15] <lhs> can't wait to not die in a barren hellscape
[23:15] <besoin> i like how the camera changed its mind about which way to rotate
[23:16] <autarch> mormonism alert
[23:16] <autarch> yes she's back
[23:17] <importantdeist> "sorry, i've just been fired"
[23:17] <dan2> "and now sports with Rick Montgomery"
[23:17] <besoin> what the heck
[23:17] <trebbers> Next shot, a bottle of Jack is on the table
[23:18] <@Ampersand_> "i pee i pee"
[23:18] <autarch> oh god, jews are being portrayed. this could get ugly.
[23:18] <lhs> he got him to buy a timeshare
[23:18] <trebbers> *holds out hand, asks for $10 for water*
[23:19] <lhs> i don't beelieve it
[23:20] <dan2> "just because she brings up immortal bees in every sentence"
[23:20] <autarch> Hallowed Bee Thy Name
[23:21] <autarch> Back to work, beatrix
[23:21] <trebbers> Gonna be pissed they find out they just needed to create immoral bees
[23:21] <importantdeist> our god is a bee?
[23:22] <dan2> Lil Bee, the Based God
[23:22] <importantdeist> ah of course
[23:22] <autarch> Let there bee light!
[23:22] <lhs> john bee:16
[23:23] <dan2> "now of course we'll have to wait for eternity to make sure that they're really immortal, but once that's done we're in the clear"
[23:23] <trebbers> *tiny voice from cage* "What's the deal with the apocalypse?"
[23:23] <dan2> lol
[23:23] <importantdeist> the other scientist is my favorite character in this
[23:24] <trebbers> Staple gun foley
[23:24] <dan2> well, you lost your baby, but you created your bae bee
[23:24] <importantdeist> wait why does the chinese girl adopted by a russian have a spanish name
[23:24] <autarch> do it, beatrix
[23:24] <trebbers> At least we have juicy steaks tonight
[23:25] <dan2> she's gonna be chowin down with Jesus and the big man on a 72oz ribeye
[23:25] <autarch> porterhouse for alba
[23:26] <importantdeist> wait is that how plants work
[23:27] <trebbers> Twisted
[23:27] <dan2> I got to the unwanted baby dumping group just a minute after it closed and they still wouldn't let me in!
[23:27] <trebbers> Wont serve babies after 10:30AM, it's crazy
[23:28] <autarch> kiss
[23:28] <autarch> come on
[23:28] <autarch> kiss!!
[23:28] <autarch> no!
[23:28] <autarch> god damn it!
[23:28] <dan2> would you really want to bring your child back to a world with no juicy steaks
[23:28] <lhs> some nice haboobs
[23:28] <autarch> juicy steaks are no longer a delight
[23:29] <dan2> Looks like me made itttttttttttt (immortal bees)
[23:29] <trebbers> Digging tiny graves for the bees
[23:30] <besoin> nebeechadbuzzer's temple
[23:31] <dan2> in the back, is that the old dude who got mad that there was no food in the church?
[23:31] <importantdeist> so are these all the leaders of the countries of the world
[23:31] <autarch> 30 people showed up to this guy's cult and they consider him a threat?
[23:31] <importantdeist> they just hiked out to this desert
[23:31] <@Ampersand_> lol
[23:31] <dan2> NICE GOING DUMMIES
[23:31] <@Ampersand_> stupid jesus
[23:31] <trebbers> *starts firing off t-shirt cannon*
[23:31] <dan2> *filled with bees*
[23:31] <trebbers> ahh
[23:32] <@Ampersand_> i will make you beelieve
[23:32] <importantdeist> omg
[23:32] <@Ampersand_> wow
[23:32] <bob511> "Also, how do you feel about black and yellow stripes?"
[23:32] <trebbers> Oscar worthy
[23:32] <dan2> should have gotten Michael Buffer to announce mankinds immediate immortality
[23:32] <autarch> love the shades on the body guards
[23:32] <trebbers> "Are you ready to bumble!"
[23:33] <dan2> heh
[23:33] <dan2> I can get you the ABBA Box, but it'll cost you
[23:33] <trebbers> Come on
[23:33] <autarch> kick his ass, john
[23:34] <bob511> I mean, there's another London.
[23:34] <importantdeist> oh whoa where did he get that
[23:34] <trebbers> Shit yeah
[23:34] <autarch> show the head
[23:34] <bob511> Bee-headed
[23:34] <trebbers> ahahh
[23:34] <autarch> hahaha
[23:34] <lhs> who let the bees out
[23:34] <@Ampersand_> drink your bees
[23:34] <dan2> "no refunds"
[23:35] <@Ampersand_> hey, no take-backs
[23:35] <besoin> sergeiii!
[23:35] <dan2> aww no
[23:35] <dan2> God must be grillin up the mother of all steaks up there
[23:35] <trebbers> Where's Sizemore
[23:36] <trebbers> Show the anchor
[23:36] <autarch> nonononono
[23:36] <besoin> this is kind of cheating
[23:36] <trebbers> Don't be a bitch
[23:36] <dan2> Devilman Crybaby
[23:36] <autarch> this is so cheap
[23:36] <trebbers> A giant bee descends
[23:36] <besoin> i am bam and margera
[23:36] <trebbers> ahahah
[23:37] <dan2> so, nice try bro
[23:37] <autarch> jesus is so cheap
[23:37] <importantdeist> wowwwww
[23:37] <@Ampersand_> ahhhhhh
[23:37] <dan2> "peace"
[23:37] <autarch> you can't use jesus on apocalyptic maps
[23:37] <bob511> Jesus returns to strip the antichrist from the TG leaderboard.
[23:37] <besoin> i've prayed way harder than this to win the lottery
[23:37] <dan2> lol bob
[23:37] <@Ampersand_> hugs giant bee with Alba's voice
[23:37] <trebbers> Deus ex sixpackina
[23:38] <trebbers> The German Chocolate cakes are growing again
[23:38] <besoin> let them eat roses
[23:38] <bob511> God, there are going to be so many damn bees now.
[23:38] <importantdeist> so, i'm confused
[23:38] <@Ampersand_> this is too erotic
[23:38] <autarch> looks like a kleenex commercial
[23:38] <autarch> his is beautiful
[23:39] <autarch> they're weed farmers now
[23:39] <importantdeist> "oh no, not again!!!"
[23:39] <dan2> Goku?
[23:39] <importantdeist> he had to shave the beard to get into heaven
[23:39] <besoin> the white linen shirt means he's from heaven now
[23:39] <autarch> unlimited hotmen will be your daddy
[23:39] <bob511> Alba keeping her distance.
[23:40] <autarch> should've been trivago guy
[23:40] <importantdeist> oh whoa
[23:40] <dan2> AH
[23:40] <besoin> the universe is just a gleam in gramps's eye
[23:40] <importantdeist> hahaha
[23:40] <trebbers> LARRY
[23:40] <importantdeist> who is larry
[23:40] <besoin> there's no way that woman's name is diana angelson
[23:40] <besoin> this is fsb psyops for sure
[23:41] <autarch> liberty dawn
[23:41] <autarch> 4 bazlers
[23:41] <autarch> 3 marins
[23:41] <dan2> a cast of thousands
[23:41] <importantdeist> the director's last name is some russian equivalent to angel-something
[23:41] <autarch> 7 ciucans
[23:41] <importantdeist> i assume that's his wife and she anglicized it
[23:42] <autarch> no, she angelized it
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Postby Ampersand » Mon May 07, 2018 3:17 pm

This Thursday,

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Postby Ampersand » Wed May 09, 2018 11:49 am

Ampersand wrote:This Thursday,

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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 10, 2018 2:49 pm

check the hpn db for the movie!
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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 10, 2018 5:13 pm

Ampersand wrote:tonight!
check the hpn db for the movie!
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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 10, 2018 8:32 pm

1.5 hours until showtime!
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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 10, 2018 9:44 pm

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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 10, 2018 9:58 pm

Ampersand wrote:TONIGHT'S FEATURE PRESENTATION: A Sound of Thunder
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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 10, 2018 11:45 pm

Code: Select all
[22:10] <@Ampersand_> 3
[22:10] <@Ampersand_> 2
[22:10] <@Ampersand_> 1
[22:10] <donnadonnamartin> i honestly have no memory of this movie
[22:10] <dan2> this movie has franchise written all over it
[22:10] <@Ampersand_> a little hopeful, aren't they?
[22:10] <besoin> damn, missed the countdown again
[22:10] <besoin> can i get 0:30
[22:11] <dan2> now
[22:11] <Trebbers> Hell yea Chuck
[22:11] <donnadonnamartin> hatton!
[22:11] <besoin> 0:45
[22:11] <dan2> wow, where do they even come up with this stuff
[22:11] <bob511> That is a top tier epigraph.
[22:11] <@Ampersand_> pretty sure we had google glass before 2055
[22:11] <donnadonnamartin> this font is cheap
[22:11] <besoin> damn it, what is the time
[22:11] <Trebbers> Top tier jungle foley
[22:11] <dan2> 111
[22:11] <dan2> 1:30 in 10
[22:12] <dan2> 1:30
[22:12] <donnadonnamartin> wow dad, way to be a dick
[22:12] <besoin> i'm lost already
[22:12] <Trebbers> What
[22:12] <besoin> looks like annihilation
[22:12] <donnadonnamartin> there's nothing to be lost in, besoin
[22:12] <Trebbers> Taps the daughter?
[22:12] <lhs> dad is drunk
[22:12] <dan2> this reminds me the new Predator looks like it's future shitflixe material
[22:12] <sideshowraheem> they're in space suits because they're on a soundstage on the moon
[22:13] <bob511> Super Scope Sixes were too far above the budget for this one, I guess.
[22:13] <donnadonnamartin> this reminds me i'm super stoked for the new jurassic park
[22:13] <bob511> Speaking of movies where women who don't want kids...
[22:14] <donnadonnamartin> honey i shrunk the scientists
[22:14] <donnadonnamartin> blew the budget on special effects i see
[22:14] <dan2> sku sku
[22:14] <besoin> what was ed burns thinking
[22:14] <@Ampersand_> i think this laser tag game is busted
[22:14] <donnadonnamartin> second dino second dino
[22:14] <donnadonnamartin> come on second dino
[22:14] <dan2> is it...deflating?
[22:14] <donnadonnamartin> fucking dollar store dinos
[22:15] <bob511> "Now, take aim at that butterfly, and fire in three...two.."
[22:15] <donnadonnamartin> well, that sucked
[22:15] <dan2> oh man
[22:15] <donnadonnamartin> champaign waterfalls are such a waste
[22:15] <sideshowraheem> he had his knighthood temporarily revoked because of that soul patch
[22:15] <besoin> time safari, inc
[22:15] <Trebbers> Didn't notice the soul patch on the trailer
[22:15] <bob511> "Armstrong, shooting a moon elephant."
[22:15] <dan2> lol
[22:15] <donnadonnamartin> what is that suit
[22:16] <donnadonnamartin> we need to discuss that suit
[22:16] <@Ampersand_> we hope you enjoyed your stay at Worstworld
[22:16] <Trebbers> there it is
[22:16] <donnadonnamartin> why are there so many buttons and pin stripes
[22:16] <bob511> Meanwhile, on Timecop...
[22:17] <@Ampersand_> the world's most expensive screensaver
[22:17] <dan2> is the screen just giving a readout of everthing
[22:17] <besoin> the computer is a winamp visualization
[22:17] <Trebbers> Killing me
[22:17] <donnadonnamartin> stop saying dr ryan
[22:18] <@Ampersand_> what is this accent
[22:18] <donnadonnamartin> poor man's ben afflect isn't here for this
[22:18] <Trebbers> Robin Williams esque cadence
[22:19] <besoin> a holodisc
[22:19] <donnadonnamartin> did they spend all their money on ascots, buttons and pink stripes?
[22:19] <besoin> timesafari headquartered in an abandoned blockbusters
[22:19] <bob511> Times a'Fari!
[22:19] <@Ampersand_> yessss
[22:19] <donnadonnamartin> oh thank god she destroyed that suit
[22:20] <sideshowraheem> she's the Jeff Goldblum of this one
[22:20] <lhs> he has toothpaste on his chin
[22:20] <donnadonnamartin> without jeff goldblum's oozing sexuality
[22:20] <besoin> didn't this guy already pay?
[22:20] <dan2> she raises a good point, if they keep this hunting up the dinosaurs will go extinct
[22:20] <donnadonnamartin> haven't these people seen jurassic park?
[22:21] <besoin> wow, this production design
[22:21] <Trebbers> *future car sounds*
[22:21] <donnadonnamartin> i like how she dresses up for anarchy
[22:21] <besoin> this is like the SECOND element
[22:21] <donnadonnamartin> i like her
[22:22] <@Ampersand_> ah, the world of tomorrow
[22:22] <dan2> Nike makes cars now?
[22:22] <sideshowraheem> A Sound of Exposition
[22:22] <Trebbers> My god this green screen
[22:22] <Trebbers> didn't even try
[22:22] <dan2> Budget   $80 million
[22:23] <donnadonnamartin> lololol
[22:23] <donnadonnamartin> i want to know what the director thought the audience would do
[22:23] <donnadonnamartin> when that happened
[22:23] <lhs> "do you like our lion?"
[22:23] <sideshowraheem> wait what
[22:23] <bob511> The Virus
[22:23] <sideshowraheem> what is this reality
[22:24] <donnadonnamartin> this is the plot?
[22:24] <Trebbers> The problem is that people wont pay to see dinosaurs
[22:24] <donnadonnamartin> gov agencies never fuck up, have great oversight
[22:24] <@Ampersand_> it can't be bulletproof. it literally requires bullets
[22:24] <sideshowraheem> wait so is it time travel or cloning?
[22:25] <Trebbers> BOTH!
[22:25] <donnadonnamartin> both?
[22:25] <dan2> allosaurus must have been trippin 24/7
[22:25] <bob511> "My new Milkdrop viz.  You like?"
[22:25] <@Ampersand_> a boner ruins everything
[22:25] <@Ampersand_> like usual
[22:26] <lhs> wait what was dripping
[22:26] <donnadonnamartin> speaking of boners
[22:26] <@Ampersand_> brown thumb? so that's what they were up to in there
[22:26] <besoin> good to see trump tower chicago didn't make it to the future
[22:26] <donnadonnamartin> are we supposed to believe that guy's a scientist?
[22:27] <donnadonnamartin> wait, when did we merge blade runner with dick tracy
[22:27] <Trebbers> They have like 4 models for the cars
[22:27] <bob511> They time-traveled to 1930s Chicago and brought these two back?
[22:27] <lhs> boredwalk empire
[22:27] <dan2> they just got really into 1930's clothing in 2055, just like how everyone dresses like it's 1897 right now
[22:28] <@Ampersand_> the streets are like Cruis'n USA 2049
[22:28] <donnadonnamartin> can we discuss that tie
[22:28] <Trebbers> ah
[22:28] <donnadonnamartin> what was the stripe budget in this movie?
[22:29] <dan2> Partial Recall
[22:29] <bob511> Ah, guy talk
[22:29] <donnadonnamartin> just locker room talk bob
[22:29] <dan2> oh god the blurry background extras
[22:29] <@Ampersand_> pan down to the treadmills they're walking on
[22:29] <besoin> everyone in 2055 chicago is english for some reason
[22:29] <donnadonnamartin> is this a movie or blues clues
[22:29] <sideshowraheem> yeah this is the most unnatural walking i've ever seen
[22:30] <dan2> these effects are on the level of that Heidi movie where they were all dogs
[22:30] <Trebbers> This is a fucking Conan skit
[22:30] <donnadonnamartin> i feel like i'm playing GTA
[22:30] <donnadonnamartin> oh fuck i loved the heidi movie
[22:30] <donnadonnamartin> i mean, i hated it
[22:30] <donnadonnamartin> but i loved it
[22:30] <besoin> hey, i saw david oyelowo in march
[22:31] <lhs> he just laughed like a ventriloquist dummy
[22:31] <donnadonnamartin> that suit says i'm all business, but that tie says i like to cut lose
[22:31] <besoin> GAUSS rifles!
[22:31] <dan2> AKA the Super Scope
[22:32] <donnadonnamartin> super sokers got way cooler in the future
[22:32] <dan2> what happens if you have to go to the bathroom?
[22:32] <lhs> their stillsuit recycles it
[22:32] <@Ampersand_> what if he leaves that bowtie behind and when they get back to the present all of the ape-people are wearing bowties
[22:32] <donnadonnamartin> i would watch that movie
[22:32] <donnadonnamartin> this guy's obsessed with ball
[22:32] <donnadonnamartin> s
[22:33] <dan2> 1930's nostalgia has carried over to the AROOGA horn making a comeback as well
[22:33] <Trebbers> Raptor's gonna slash his nuts
[22:33] <donnadonnamartin> not if they're brass, treb
[22:33] <besoin> welp, i guess that liquid nitrogen leak won't come back into play
[22:33] <Trebbers> TAMI algorithmically creates Front 242 videos
[22:33] <bob511> Those arrows can't make up their mind.
[22:34] <lhs> i sense ball-swapping mayhem coming up
[22:34] <bob511> Not a fan of the redesigned Star Tours.
[22:34] <dan2> you gotta pay an extra $10 for the hot wax time travel
[22:35] <donnadonnamartin> the back, sack, and crack package?
[22:35] <@Ampersand_> oh no, who let the ladybug into the time machine??
[22:35] <Trebbers> A time butthole
[22:35] <dan2> traveled straight back to the rainforest cafe
[22:35] <besoin> heh
[22:35] <besoin> try the mogambo shrimp, folks
[22:36] <bob511> "With really big balls?"
[22:36] <besoin> do they always kill the same one?
[22:36] <donnadonnamartin> those tree falls
[22:36] <@Ampersand_> "poorly rendered, isn't he?"
[22:37] <besoin> the old brooklyn razz
[22:38] <dan2> *pulls out laser pointer*
[22:38] <donnadonnamartin> which ones the lawyer? dino always eats lawyer
[22:38] <donnadonnamartin> ahahaha
[22:39] <besoin> this cgi, jesus
[22:39] <donnadonnamartin> the old flashlight trick
[22:39] <bob511> Actually, I guess they could go back and kill CGI Jesus.
[22:39] <bob511> Since he dies anyway.
[22:39] <dan2> wouldn't the time bridge that comes out crush a bunch of plants and alter the past
[22:39] <Trebbers> Prod a calls
[22:39] <besoin> now that'd get some takers
[22:40] <besoin> killing jesus
[22:40] <donnadonnamartin> guys this movie cost $80 million
[22:40] <@Ampersand_> Ben Kingsley doesn't come cheap, i guess
[22:41] <dan2> they had to pay him an extra 5 million to grow the soul patch
[22:41] <donnadonnamartin> yeah, columbus is a guy i want to emulate
[22:41] <besoin> welcome to the red planet mr brubaker
[22:41] <sideshowraheem> I mean they did kill something unecessarily Donna
[22:41] <@Ampersand_> it's insane that it cost that much and i don't remember hearing about it at all
[22:41] <besoin> that was a callback to judgement house, my friends
[22:42] <Trebbers> *farts*
[22:42] <besoin> long way from playing mlk jr here, dave
[22:42] <donnadonnamartin> low rent ben affleck doesn't tolerate accident
[22:42] <sideshowraheem> "the heisenberg uncertainty principle you can't be 100% of the quality of any given breaking bad episode"
[22:42] <dan2> is that guy a robot?
[22:43] <donnadonnamartin> maybe they should get allstate, to deal with the mayham
[22:43] <bob511> 70F in November in 2055?  So this is an optimistic future.
[22:43] <besoin> the cubs won the world series in 2022
[22:43] <besoin> and 2046
[22:43] <dan2> is it?
[22:43] <donnadonnamartin> suicidal fish is a good band name
[22:43] <lhs> if they changed something in the past, wouldn't the present have been different all along
[22:44] <besoin> so many panama hats
[22:44] <Trebbers> "Tree committed suicide"
[22:44] <Trebbers> wait, that's it
[22:44] <besoin> is she going to have two bellybuttons
[22:44] <lhs> i can't not see ben as exeter
[22:45] <dan2> can they go back and hunt a giant sloth or something, these dino hunts are getting stale
[22:45] <lhs> thanks to whoever's comment last time
[22:45] <donnadonnamartin> i would enjoy a sloth hunt
[22:45] <besoin> imagine shooting a sloth
[22:45] <@Ampersand_> a giant shoe attacks them
[22:46] <Trebbers> ahah
[22:46] <Trebbers> "Leave the fucking pogs, Jenny!"
[22:46] <lhs> heh
[22:46] <@Ampersand_> lol
[22:46] <dan2> love that 35 minutes in every action sequence has been on a plexiglass bridge
[22:47] <donnadonnamartin> WOAH
[22:47] <donnadonnamartin> WHAT
[22:47] <donnadonnamartin> what is that suit
[22:47] <donnadonnamartin> guys this movie spent all it's money on leftover men's wear
[22:47] <dan2> oh, he thought big alright...
[22:47] <donnadonnamartin> where did he find nipple pants
[22:48] <Trebbers> holy fuck that whole outfit
[22:48] <@Ampersand_> that suit provides max headroom
[22:48] <bob511> Ha
[22:48] <donnadonnamartin> aha amp
[22:48] <Trebbers> The T.R.D. guys jackets are missing a letter
[22:48] <dan2> maybe he was wearing normal fitting clothes and the footprint made them grow 8 sizes
[22:49] <lhs> how does bringing back a little swamp mud mess up the past
[22:49] <Trebbers> They left a footprint on the bridge?
[22:49] <besoin> frasier drives cabs in this future
[22:49] <Trebbers> or some shit
[22:50] <lhs> yeah but doesn't the bridge come back with them
[22:50] <dan2> that was some Lego Island level CGI
[22:50] <bob511> Oh, I guess this is Chicago, Florida.
[22:50] <Trebbers> Can't believe they built real fake cars
[22:51] <donnadonnamartin> i would like this apt
[22:52] <besoin> looks like something from resident evil
[22:52] <dan2> I think Tom Cruise hides out here in Minority Report
[22:52] <besoin> jesus
[22:52] <Trebbers> ahahhh
[22:52] <dan2> UM
[22:53] <@Ampersand_> wowza
[22:53] <Trebbers> oh my
[22:53] <@Ampersand_> glitchin
[22:53] <donnadonnamartin> new gif
[22:53] <Trebbers> TIME WAVE
[22:53] <dan2> time keeps on glitchin glitchin glitchinnnn
[22:53] <besoin> the mummy!
[22:53] <dan2> AH
[22:53] <@Ampersand_> um
[22:53] <Trebbers> ahahahahhaah
[22:53] <sideshowraheem> even the effect of her wiping off the glass looked like shit
[22:53] <dan2> scarab beetles must have REALLY liked that bit of mud
[22:54] <donnadonnamartin> messing with time brings on beetles, got it
[22:54] <bob511> This is what happens when you have indoor plants.
[22:54] <besoin> that was a bold move
[22:54] <dan2> title of this movie should have been "Great, Now You've Done It"
[22:54] <lhs> again, if they're changing shit millions of years ago, why is it only taking effect now
[22:54] <donnadonnamartin> oh my god
[22:54] <@Ampersand_> wish they were dung beetles
[22:55] <lhs> i don't understand this movie at all
[22:55] <Trebbers> Time wave ain't covered in your homeowners
[22:55] <donnadonnamartin> this doesn't make any sense, right?
[22:55] <besoin> this movie doesn't give a damn about the rules of time travel
[22:55] <dan2> The Last of Us (being allowed to direct films)
[22:55] <sideshowraheem> what the fuck is she talking about
[22:55] <sideshowraheem> this makes even less goddamn sense
[22:55] <donnadonnamartin> time travel raheem
[22:55] <donnadonnamartin> duh
[22:55] <dan2> uzzz
[22:55] <@Ampersand_> how the heck did a footprint cause this?
[22:55] <lhs> even if the footprint on the bridge somehow slid off and stayed, how the fuck does it change anything
[22:56] <bob511> Uh
[22:56] <lhs> it's just mud
[22:56] <donnadonnamartin> did she take the past with her to the future?
[22:56] <donnadonnamartin> like get old dirt in the new world?
[22:56] <dan2> there was a piece of Juicy Fruit stuck to the bottom of her foot too
[22:56] <@Ampersand_> they should have just let that guy shoot the butterfly
[22:56] <@Ampersand_> then we'd accept this
[22:56] <lhs> except for the delayed effect
[22:56] <dan2> we're somehow halfway through this
[22:56] <besoin> a kind of butterfly effect, you might say
[22:57] <lhs> you mightn't
[22:57] <donnadonnamartin> oh i think they'll find ot
[22:57] <@Ampersand_> this ends when Ed Burns goes back in time to strangle Kingsley in the womb
[22:57] <besoin> i'd ask for a guarantee that they're not just going back to kill my grandma
[22:57] <dan2> Ben Kingsley IS J. Peterman
[22:57] <lhs> i'm going to consult wikipedia about this movie
[22:58] <donnadonnamartin> is ben kingsley just really bored?
[22:58] <@Ampersand_> uh
[22:58] <dan2> wah
[22:58] <besoin> TAMI that joker
[22:58] <sideshowraheem> oh great he's on the set of a western
[22:58] <donnadonnamartin> that was def not racist
[22:59] <dan2> lets do the time wave agaiiiiiin
[22:59] <sideshowraheem> ahahaha
[22:59] <@Ampersand_> the time wave is coming... THROUGH TIME ITSELF
[22:59] <donnadonnamartin> i'm in love with time waves
[22:59] <lhs> ????
[22:59] <dan2> dying @ that amp
[22:59] <besoin> [answers in tagalog]
[22:59] <Trebbers> I'm tired of all these time waves
[22:59] <donnadonnamartin> if i could turn back tiiime (waves)
[23:00] <dan2> gonna need a lot of Round-Up
[23:00] <bob511> Their mistake was accidentally leaving a DVD of Life After People in the Cretaceous.
[23:00] <@Ampersand_> lettin that accent slip dere
[23:01] <dan2> imagine having to survive wearing that suit
[23:01] <donnadonnamartin> why didn't they do this before?
[23:02] <dan2> nyaaa!
[23:02] <lhs> did he fuck a stegosaurus
[23:02] <@Ampersand_> lol lhs
[23:03] <donnadonnamartin> i knew it!
[23:03] <@Ampersand_> what if one of them stepped in shit
[23:03] <Trebbers> Look at his hair, yes he's insane
[23:04] <besoin> why would bringing something back matter?
[23:04] <besoin> i guess its absence in the past?
[23:04] <Trebbers> Yes?
[23:04] <dan2> if the biofilter takes too much energy to run here's an idea: doormat at the end of the time tunnel
[23:04] <Trebbers> "We have to kill Ackles as a baby."
[23:05] <lhs> hard to believe that the absence of 1.3 whatevers of material would change the entire world
[23:05] <besoin> it was 1.3 grams of butterfly food
[23:05] <dan2> those 1.3 grams of mud grew up to be Albert Einstein
[23:05] <sideshowraheem> this is way too convoluted for how fucking stupid it is
[23:05] <bob511> Was he listening to an electric razor?
[23:06] <lhs> the only way to know for sure is to try it
[23:06] <lhs> so let's set up a kickstarter
[23:06] <besoin> birds?
[23:06] <lhs> for a time butthole
[23:06] <besoin> they're going to blast some parakeet
[23:06] <besoin> s
[23:07] <lhs> is the science worse in this movie or in the core
[23:07] <Trebbers> what
[23:07] <donnadonnamartin> if a dino came out right now and ate them i'd enjoy it
[23:08] <bob511> Good news!
[23:08] <@Ampersand_> still pulling for bow-tied monkey men
[23:08] <donnadonnamartin> wait so why are they on this walk?
[23:08] <sideshowraheem> so that footprint prevented a giant meteor from hitting earth?
[23:08] <besoin> they're going to see eckles, donna
[23:09] <besoin> he lives on the other side of the park
[23:09] <dan2> these aren't classic reptillian...they're diet reptillian
[23:09] <donnadonnamartin> who's...eckles?
[23:09] <bob511> "....a little bit of tie-material mixed in..."
[23:09] <donnadonnamartin> you know what, nm
[23:09] <besoin> eckles was the nervous guy on the jump
[23:09] <donnadonnamartin> wow even this movie kills the black guy first
[23:09] <besoin> they think he was the one who brought something back
[23:09] <@Ampersand_> a thorny situation they're in
[23:09] <lhs> the missing mass made the earth spin a little faster so the meteor just missed it
[23:10] <@Ampersand_> wow
[23:10] <@Ampersand_> there it is
[23:10] <@Ampersand_> the most poorly designed creature in all of time
[23:10] <bob511> Pew!  Pew!
[23:10] <sideshowraheem> oh my god
[23:10] <besoin> a baboon dinosaur eh
[23:10] <Trebbers> fucking hell
[23:10] <dan2> Primal Roar 2 is looking great
[23:11] <donnadonnamartin> oh my god
[23:11] <lhs> greek mythology is real
[23:11] <Trebbers> "GENE! NOOOOOO!"
[23:11] <@Ampersand_> that dog and that woman from the trailer had sex, and this world is the result
[23:11] <sideshowraheem> just because you happened to shoot one there doesn't make it the ONLY soft spot
[23:11] <besoin> these special effects aren't much beyond wascavage's
[23:12] <Trebbers> "I'm gonna do a Dyson. It's cool."
[23:12] <donnadonnamartin> planet of the dyno apes
[23:12] <dan2> I honestly think the monkeys in Jumanji were better rendered
[23:12] <@Ampersand_> *extremely executive producer voice* "Congo was a hit, right?"
[23:13] <besoin> they sure are being careful
[23:13] <dan2> well at least they're quiet eaters
[23:13] <donnadonnamartin> yo this movie is dark
[23:13] <@Ampersand_> yeah i can't see shit
[23:13] <@Ampersand_> *drumroll*
[23:13] <Trebbers> *Marcus crowdsurfs on Dinobaboons*
[23:13] <donnadonnamartin> god i hate movies with mouth eating sound
[23:13] <sideshowraheem> they really allowed him to buy them some time by watching until his last moment
[23:14] <donnadonnamartin> oh amp i meant it's like, dark in a fucked up way
[23:14] <donnadonnamartin> but also dark
[23:14] <dan2> how does this 80 million dollar movie function on every level worse than ever Sci-Fi channel original I've ever seen
[23:14] <@Ampersand_> i know. i'm bad at jokes
[23:14] <donnadonnamartin> :) amp
[23:15] <sideshowraheem> is that Smeagol's cousin?
[23:15] <bob511> "...gotta find Italian beef..."
[23:15] <donnadonnamartin> sound mixing went bad here
[23:15] <lhs> nothing but fancy lads in there
[23:16] <dan2> so does the normal populace have access to any kind of laser gun in 2055?
[23:16] <besoin> is that xander berkeley
[23:16] <besoin> no
[23:16] <donnadonnamartin> paul blart, apocolypse cop
[23:16] <sideshowraheem> aren't their ice bullets gonna melt at some point
[23:16] <lhs> heh
[23:16] <bob511> They're not even laser guns.  They shoot ice.
[23:16] <dan2> sorry, the sound kept throwing me off
[23:17] <dan2> when I use the ice maker in my fridge it doesn't go PEW PEW PEW
[23:17] <donnadonnamartin> mine does
[23:17] <dan2> rub it in >:(
[23:17] <Trebbers> Baby from Dinosaurs is dead in a closet
[23:17] <bob511> Heh
[23:17] <donnadonnamartin> wouldn't he have other clothes?
[23:18] <dan2> oh no, not a time wave!
[23:18] <Trebbers> This one guys voice
[23:18] <donnadonnamartin> rich people ruin everything
[23:18] <bob511> Huh?
[23:18] <sideshowraheem> uh
[23:18] <donnadonnamartin> he boosted cars to pay for med school?
[23:19] <lhs> that's what he said
[23:19] <donnadonnamartin> seems like a bad business model but student debt is a bitch
[23:19] <sideshowraheem> even the quips in this movie make no sense
[23:20] <donnadonnamartin> this movie seems scientifically inaccurate
[23:20] <lhs> sleeping beauty is now a dinoape
[23:20] <bob511> Mr. Militant?
[23:20] <besoin> ice rifle solve all problems
[23:21] <donnadonnamartin> the most dangerous game
[23:22] <lhs> what if he brought something back by eating it
[23:22] <dan2> so in the time since he's been back there's no possible way he could have gotten 1.3 grams of material on his clothing?
[23:22] <besoin> is facebook going to send in an ice rifle team to fix all the problems its product has caused
[23:22] <donnadonnamartin> THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
[23:23] <bob511> Oddly enough, that was the same response by the studio execs after the first screening.
[23:23] <lhs> that butterfly was butterfly albert einstein
[23:23] <@Ampersand_> not your grandparents' butterflies!
[23:23] <donnadonnamartin> this is just jurassic park on the sci fi channel
[23:23] <lhs> didn't this happen in an episode of he-man
[23:24] <sideshowraheem> I haven't seen bats this jacked since freakin Christian Bale
[23:24] <Trebbers> ah
[23:24] <dan2> time wave's a comin', I can feel my bad knee swelling up
[23:24] <Trebbers> Time Roll! Extra Points!
[23:24] <sideshowraheem> thankfully the time wave spares the lab's technology every time
[23:26] <sideshowraheem> the garbage ape
[23:26] <besoin> :\
[23:26] <Trebbers> ahah
[23:26] <donnadonnamartin> amzing
[23:26] <@Ampersand_> they fucked the bats, i guess
[23:26] <lhs> they fling guano
[23:27] <bob511> Big "Hard Drive Release" sign.
[23:27] <Trebbers> Just shine a fucking light on them
[23:27] <donnadonnamartin> the ceiling looks like a herpes infection
[23:28] <lhs> RIP that suit
[23:28] <donnadonnamartin> i hope one of those apes turns up in that suit
[23:28] <donnadonnamartin> ....get it...monkey suit?
[23:29] <bob511> Still traveling faster than by NYC subway, right?
[23:29] <donnadonnamartin> hey-o
[23:29] <besoin> it's newt
[23:29] <sideshowraheem> that's the sort of commentary on current events I come to the movie series for
[23:31] <besoin> is that how water works
[23:31] <@Ampersand_> i keep remembering this is a Peter Hyams movie
[23:31] <bob511> Why would it stay water tight for even a second?
[23:31] <@Ampersand_> how far we've fallen since Sudden Impact
[23:31] <@Ampersand_> Sudden Death, oof
[23:31] <bob511> This isn't that much worse than The Relic, I guess.
[23:31] <bob511> About as visually ugly, anyway.
[23:32] <dan2> It'll take about 30 seconds for this subway car to fill with water, based on the other 25 subway cars I've been in that have filled with water
[23:32] <donnadonnamartin> ]aha
[23:32] <besoin> unagi
[23:32] <dan2> so its part baracuda part catfish?
[23:32] <bob511> Do ice guns work under water?
[23:32] <lhs> the poo-seidon adventure
[23:32] <bob511> I guess not.
[23:33] <@Ampersand_> this is out 5th Peter Hyams film, actually. that's gotta place him high up there
[23:33] <donnadonnamartin> i need a gif
[23:33] <Trebbers> I guess they don't need to breathe now
[23:33] <Trebbers> there we go
[23:33] <dan2> dead...right?
[23:33] <@Ampersand_> those shoes looked so tasty, too
[23:34] <donnadonnamartin> his name is travis?
[23:34] <Trebbers> ahahahah
[23:34] <@Ampersand_> three-way smooch
[23:34] <bob511> I actually forgot Timecop was Hyams when I made a Timecop joke earlier.
[23:34] <donnadonnamartin> thsi looks like a screen saver even here
[23:35] <besoin> they sure are spending a lot of energy on two small meals
[23:36] <donnadonnamartin> this movie stole from jurassic park at an insane level
[23:36] <bob511> I like the idea that any particle accelerator becomes a time machine with the right software.
[23:37] <dan2> I think the box office saw to that
[23:37] <donnadonnamartin> i'll never let go jack
[23:38] <bob511> Aha
[23:38] <@Ampersand_> oh my
[23:38] <lhs> when there was only one set of footprints in the sand, that's when fishgollum carried you
[23:39] <dan2> she can hear him?
[23:39] <donnadonnamartin> wait this is how we fix it?
[23:39] <bob511> Wait, why was that frightening?
[23:40] <donnadonnamartin> i dunno that guy is kind of a dweeb
[23:40] <sideshowraheem> if he can go back to the hunt then why aren't all the hunts overlapping when they kill the same dinosaur
[23:40] <besoin> that's why i was asking earlier
[23:40] <@Ampersand_> because movie?
[23:41] <lhs> travis the volcano is my wrestling name
[23:41] <Trebbers> I feel a twist coming
[23:41] <@Ampersand_> *shoots butterfly*
[23:41] <Trebbers> aha
[23:41] <donnadonnamartin> the science feels iffy in this movie
[23:41] <donnadonnamartin> controversial statement, i know
[23:41] <dan2> *dinosaur trips over invisibridge
[23:42] <dan2> the biofilter is actually the AROOGA alarm
[23:42] <sideshowraheem> for a billionaire Ben Kingsley's character does an awful lot of hands on work
[23:42] <besoin> so the leaky liquid nitrogen affected the ice rifles
[23:42] <@Ampersand_> ah yes, he'll understand, like we do.
[23:42] <besoin> the road to perdition set
[23:43] <sideshowraheem> the ball is gonna tell him Tom Cruise kills the guy
[23:43] <bob511> "Also, that's not a disc."
[23:44] <dan2> *swoon*
[23:44] <donnadonnamartin> here, take this poke ball
[23:44] <besoin> boooo
[23:44] <@Ampersand_> and it was that cup of coffee that changed the course of time itself
[23:45] <dan2> pfft, nice going RAY
[23:45] <bob511> Roland Emmerich must be bummed someone got to giant time waves before he could.
[23:45] <donnadonnamartin> this font really irritates me
[23:45] <lhs> something stupid this way comes
[23:45] <sideshowraheem> they're using the Frasier font
[23:45] <besoin> all of these producers, all the lost money
[23:45] <sideshowraheem> oh baby I hear the time a callin', tossed salad and scrambled waves
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Postby Ampersand » Fri May 11, 2018 12:14 pm

This is not Sunday's film, but kayke shared it with me and now I must share it with you
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Postby Ampersand » Sat May 12, 2018 12:26 pm

Tomorrow @ 2200 EDT, a gift for mom:
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Postby Ampersand » Sun May 13, 2018 9:50 am

Ampersand wrote:Sunday @ 2200 EDT, a gift for mom:

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Postby dan » Sun May 13, 2018 9:58 am

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Postby Ampersand » Sun May 13, 2018 4:39 pm

check the hpn db for the movie!
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Postby Ampersand » Sun May 13, 2018 7:26 pm

2.5 hours until showtime!
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Postby Ampersand » Sun May 13, 2018 9:46 pm

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Postby Ampersand » Sun May 13, 2018 9:57 pm

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Postby Bob511 » Mon May 14, 2018 6:03 am



universe, you can't play the willfully ignorant, but partisan bleeding heart
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Postby Ampersand » Mon May 14, 2018 3:24 pm

Code: Select all
[22:10] <@Ampersand_> 3
[22:10] <@Ampersand_> 2
[22:10] <@Ampersand_> 1
[22:11] <impdentist> have we done a depardieu before
[22:12] <donnamartin> i'm glad i'm not high
[22:12] <@Ampersand_> so it is a horror movie?
[22:12] <bob511> My Father the Hero?
[22:12] <impdentist> seems impossible that we haven't
[22:12] == Trebbers [46a0777f@gateway/web/freenode/ip.] has joined #hpnmovieseries
[22:12] <bob511> Or was that just a trailer?
[22:12] <Trebbers> Am I late?
[22:12] <@Ampersand_> i've been wanting to do My Father the Hero
[22:12] <impdentist> we jusst started
[22:12] <Trebbers> Can I get 2:00
[22:12] <impdentist> 2:00 in 10
[22:12] <@Ampersand_> 2
[22:12] <impdentist> 200
[22:12] <dan2> 2:00
[22:13] <kayke> I feel like we're in one of bjork's nightmares or something
[22:13] <Trebbers> Word
[22:13] <donnamartin> hmmm, this seems bogus
[22:13] <Trebbers> It's like one of the flashback/dream sequences in All That Jazz
[22:13] <lhs> or one of amanda palmer's wet dreams
[22:14] <kayke> hjo looks so sad as a kid
[22:14] <impdentist> are his parents going to die n a freak cirque de soleil accident
[22:14] <impdentist> i love the 90s sitcom theme sax blasting through the mix
[22:14] <donnamartin> the 90s was super into orhpans
[22:14] <Trebbers> Lots of cleve in this kids movie
[22:14] <kayke> the son of a vampire and a ballerina
[22:14] <dan2> My Dad the Circus Dracula
[22:15] <donnamartin> wow, you smushed that rat to death!
[22:15] <impdentist> were their names juan and babette?
[22:15] <lhs> now hjo has turned into depardieu irl
[22:15] <lhs> the circle of life
[22:15] <dan2> Depardieu bit him on the set
[22:16] <impdentist> oh antoine
[22:16] <donnamartin> i don't want my babysitter offering to do tricks with my kid
[22:16] <impdentist> how do you get to be the "master of magic"
[22:16] <Trebbers> American History X era Ed Norton
[22:16] <dan2> ha
[22:17] <@Ampersand_> who ha hjo's mom gotta push down the stairs to get a break?
[22:17] <bob511> Opening a movie about "an orphan" following a mom is some Final Destination shit.
[22:18] <donnamartin> movies always remind me how annoying kids are
[22:18] <Trebbers> Is he a robot in this too
[22:18] <kayke> be home "soon"
[22:18] <impdentist> she dead huh
[22:18] <dan2> Depardieu's gonna borrow that later to hide his wine
[22:18] <lhs> heh
[22:18] <@Ampersand_> lol
[22:19] <impdentist> which wine
[22:19] <impdentist> of the day, i mean
[22:19] <lhs> he should have made the bottle vanish but the ketchup stay inside the bag
[22:19] <kayke> lol
[22:19] <kayke> jerry's nugget
[22:19] <Trebbers> Oh no
[22:20] <@Ampersand_> saddest way to go
[22:20] <bob511> Well don't stop in an intersection.
[22:20] <dan2> "Is there a doctor in the bingo parlor?!"
[22:20] <@Ampersand_> she never reached that great nugget in the Jerry's
[22:20] <Trebbers> Bogus killed her drunk driving
[22:20] <kayke> was she in the hall closet?
[22:20] <dan2> I'm just picturing Jerry Orbach sitting atop a 500lb gold boulder
[22:20] <donnamartin> why do people knock so agressively in movies
[22:21] <bob511> "Magic has a price, kid."
[22:21] <Trebbers> ahah
[22:21] <dan2> WE FORGOT KEVIN
[22:21] <Trebbers> Praying to Moloch
[22:21] <impdentist> i just remembered that whoopi goldberg is in this
[22:21] <donnamartin> oh no
[22:21] <Trebbers> Wait, another Frenchman
[22:21] <Trebbers> how deep does this go
[22:21] <donnamartin> i'd like to discuss his hair
[22:21] <impdentist> all magicians are french
[22:22] <impdentist> oh come on dude
[22:22] <donnamartin> woah i just spit wine
[22:22] <impdentist> this isn't about you
[22:22] <lhs> "nobody fucks like gaston, n'est-ce pas?"
[22:22] <donnamartin> you gotta give a woman warning
[22:22] <Trebbers> *Kills dove, places it into little dove coffin*
[22:22] <impdentist> oh i really should be having wine with this in honor of depardieu huh
[22:22] <bob511> ::hawk swoops in::
[22:22] <impdentist> it's his hoover dam report
[22:22] <dan2> oh my god
[22:22] <impdentist> oh fuck i was joking
[22:22] <donnamartin> ahahaha
[22:23] <@Ampersand_> mon goob
[22:23] <kayke> why don't they find my report comforting?
[22:23] <@Ampersand_> "my mother loved the hoover dam"
[22:23] <Trebbers> Fucking flying
[22:23] <donnamartin> your mom was sad kid, quit putting her on a pedastool
[22:23] <@Ampersand_> he's taking off
[22:23] <bob511> Gets hit by a ride-on lawnmower
[22:24] <kayke> "I'll never write a report about the hoover dam again!"
[22:24] <Trebbers> having a stroke
[22:24] <impdentist> weird percussion
[22:24] <@Ampersand_> my mom, Blossom
[22:25] <kayke> I can't understand a single word that man says
[22:25] <@Ampersand_> "do you know what a burden is, child?"
[22:25] <dan2> can you join the Vegas strip like you do the circus?>
[22:26] <Trebbers> "Gas, grass, or ass, mon ami. Is the circus way"
[22:26] <bob511> The guy who makes people and animals disappear into impossibly sized containers has no room?
[22:26] <donnamartin> lol treb
[22:26] <Trebbers> Holy shit those tiny cards
[22:26] <@Ampersand_> lol treb
[22:26] <donnamartin> that is the saddest effing gif
[22:26] <dan2> they don't have the heart to tell him that real cards are  twice that big
[22:26] <kayke> this is over the loud speakers?
[22:26] <lhs> hold me closer, tiny dealer
[22:26] <bob511> What an odd loudspeaker announcement.
[22:26] <impdentist> casino lawyer?
[22:27] <lhs> he's throwing his voice into his own mouth
[22:27] <bob511> "What do you mean, she's in witness protection?"
[22:27] <dan2> they're gonna start gassin up the jet
[22:27] <Trebbers> Night Court-esque theme
[22:28] <donnamartin> she's a coaster sales person/
[22:28] <donnamartin> intense industry
[22:28] <@Ampersand_> sadder
[22:28] <Trebbers> She just sells...things
[22:28] <donnamartin> man, she's got quite the collar shirt sleeves thing going on
[22:28] <@Ampersand_> "let me put you in touch with my colleague, Mr. Brooks"
[22:28] <Trebbers> aha
[22:29] <Trebbers> ahahahah
[22:29] <dan2> Clay Thrasher??
[22:29] <Trebbers> CLAY THRASHER
[22:29] <lhs> your name is WHAT
[22:29] <dan2> the lost Clay Fighter sequel
[22:30] <Trebbers> Wait, what
[22:30] <Trebbers> How does that work
[22:30] <bob511> "Ms. Franklin, we're on speaker phone."
[22:30] <impdentist> is it possible to assign guardianship to someone without their knowledge or consent
[22:31] <donnamartin> most kids suck, he doens't
[22:31] <lhs> if you say no take-backs, yes
[22:31] <kayke> wait is his father bogus?
[22:31] <dan2> "he's making pigeons disappear at a 6th grade level"
[22:31] <@Ampersand_> his mother thought so, kayke
[22:31] <lhs> oh no is this an allegory
[22:31] <donnamartin> is this reverse racism arguments?
[22:31] <impdentist> this is fucked up
[22:32] <@Ampersand_> the state system treated her okay
[22:32] <bob511> "And by 'state' we mean Nevada."
[22:32] <dan2> "alright alright....how white are we talking here?"
[22:32] <Trebbers> I guess, I do understand the drive to get the kid taken in by somebody
[22:32] <@Ampersand_> "does he wear socks over pajamas?"
[22:32] <donnamartin> this seems not the way to handle this?
[22:32] <Trebbers> Movie takes a turn when she puts him in the Soul Man machine
[22:33] <impdentist> pre 9/11 airports were so weird
[22:33] <lhs> albert sweetie, this is called paying it forward
[22:33] <Trebbers> Yeah, just walk whereever you want. It's an airport!
[22:33] <dan2> folks, I think things are about to get Bogus
[22:33] <donnamartin> at least it's not united, he'd probably get put in the overhead
[22:33] <Trebbers> "My name is Fuck Off, lady"
[22:34] <@Ampersand_> wow, this kid is a regular Ronan Farrow
[22:34] <kayke> "I want an ipad and a vodka soda"
[22:34] <Trebbers> "Do you have a copy of The Plague?"
[22:34] <@Ampersand_> lol
[22:34] <kayke> AAAAH
[22:34] <Trebbers> oh no
[22:35] <bob511> Actually not too far off adult HJO.
[22:35] <dan2> worse than being on the Final Destination plane
[22:35] <kayke> watch your mouf
[22:35] <@Ampersand_> "just summoning the dark lord, sir"
[22:35] <impdentist> i stepped out for a second, wtf
[22:35] <lhs> more broken blood vessels
[22:35] <@Ampersand_> "now make it redder"
[22:35] <@Ampersand_> lol
[22:35] <Trebbers> "Go into the cockpit, my friend. We have to send a message"
[22:35] <donnamartin> lol
[22:35] <donnamartin> this just got tedious
[22:36] <dan2> "good, good, now start drawing the bottle kid"
[22:36] <Trebbers> yes
[22:36] <donnamartin> have these people never been around kids?
[22:36] <Trebbers> "Now draw me a bush to piss in"
[22:36] <dan2> "put your hand in her purse, it's OK"
[22:37] <@Ampersand_> sees a mom, has to shit
[22:37] <kayke> same
[22:37] <Trebbers> fukkkkkkk
[22:37] <@Ampersand_> this feels like a crime
[22:37] <donnamartin> oh this is gonna get gooby fast
[22:37] <kayke> I'm calling the cops
[22:37] <donnamartin> guys this is how you get arrested
[22:38] <impdentist> yeah i am feeling like an accessory here
[22:38] <lhs> by watching it
[22:38] <donnamartin> um
[22:38] <donnamartin> oh um
[22:38] <dan2> "Don't worry, I'll be your Depardad"
[22:39] <Trebbers> He talks like Triumph
[22:39] <impdentist> love "whoopi's theme"
[22:39] <kayke> his boots!!!
[22:39] <bob511> Yeah, that's pretty white.
[22:40] <lhs> walker told me i have traveller's aid
[22:40] <dan2> lol lhs
[22:40] <kayke> wow
[22:40] <@Ampersand_> fuck that lady
[22:40] <impdentist> "she's black?? wtf?"
[22:40] <donnamartin> what a bitch
[22:40] <Trebbers> I'd just wanna get that kid out of there
[22:40] <donnamartin> he does?
[22:40] <@Ampersand_> he looks dead?
[22:40] <impdentist> is this how easy it is to pick up a kid
[22:40] <@Ampersand_> pre 9/11
[22:41] <impdentist> just show some id and sign something
[22:41] <dan2> the fucking SASS on that one
[22:41] <dan2> just brutal
[22:41] <@Ampersand_> luggage tag on a child rules
[22:41] <kayke> happy whoopi's day
[22:41] <impdentist> what's going on whoop
[22:41] <donnamartin> is this a different movie?
[22:42] <impdentist> does he have to be wearing a trenchcoat? it makes it so much worse
[22:42] <bob511> We should be so lucky.
[22:42] <@Ampersand_> don't worry, child, your malady will follow you home
[22:42] <dan2> *hastily shoves Hustler back into trenchcoat*
[22:42] <donnamartin> funny hair?
[22:42] <donnamartin> oh let's not do that
[22:42] <Trebbers> He has no fucking room to talk
[22:42] <dan2> hey that guy!
[22:43] <dan2> Whoopi's Theme (reprise)
[22:43] <Trebbers> I do like that this looks like it was shot in 1985
[22:44] <impdentist> i just realized that's the newark airport, the worst airport in america
[22:44] <donnamartin> what year was this?
[22:44] <@Ampersand_> 96
[22:44] <donnamartin> woof
[22:44] <donnamartin> this is some lethal weapon music 10 years too late
[22:45] <donnamartin> i'm going to have to try that trick
[22:45] <impdentist> even the digetic music is 10 years old
[22:46] <@Ampersand_> cool story, kid
[22:46] <Trebbers> Sounds like he's giving a deposition
[22:46] <kayke> "well how many coffee mugs did you sell?"
[22:47] <@Ampersand_> all these strange men picking him up
[22:47] <dan2> sounds like the start of a Hollywood Handbook episode
[22:47] <donnamartin> oh no
[22:47] <donnamartin> no no no no
[22:47] <Trebbers> hah dan
[22:47] <bob511> "Well, we have to shut your mouth somehow."
[22:47] <dan2> *quitely* "pawn shop here I come"
[22:47] <Trebbers> Natchos
[22:47] <donnamartin> what the fuck frozen dinner is this?
[22:48] <dan2> I like wheelin' dealin' Whoopi
[22:48] <kayke> he's trying to gentrify her apartment
[22:48] <donnamartin> stop touching his face
[22:48] <dan2> "Your bed is a factory reject, hope that's OK kid"
[22:48] <impdentist> has it been explained who tf this magic imaginary guy is
[22:48] <Trebbers> Man, she has no room for this kid
[22:48] <donnamartin> what is that poster?
[22:49] <Trebbers> A monkey and a french press
[22:49] <kayke> it looks like bigfoot making french press coffee
[22:49] <@Ampersand_> lol
[22:49] <donnamartin> seems like amp's kind of poster
[22:49] <@Ampersand_> true!
[22:49] <kayke> true
[22:49] <dan2> pressed with his own feet
[22:50] <@Ampersand_> "wanna know about the hoover dam, new mom?"
[22:50] <lhs> the guy on his jacket made his lower leg disappear
[22:50] <impdentist> does this kid have agency or is he totally controlled by gerard depardieu
[22:51] <Trebbers> "Bogus tells me I need to put a razor blade in my boot"
[22:51] <kayke> he loves being picked up
[22:51] <impdentist> wtf
[22:51] <kayke> As someone from NJ, I kind of hate Newark too
[22:51] <kayke> that's valid
[22:52] <bob511> He might feel less homesick in Atlantic City?
[22:52] <@Ampersand_> if she walked in, what would she see?
[22:53] <dan2> I see Dep people
[22:53] <lhs> haha
[22:53] <@Ampersand_> "you're a fucking kid, right?"
[22:53] <@Ampersand_> time to scream
[22:53] <kayke> please do not let that man in the bathroom
[22:53] <kayke> no
[22:53] <Trebbers> Despair.gif
[22:53] <kayke> NO THAN KS
[22:53] <Trebbers> no no no no
[22:53] <donnamartin> FUCK DID I WALK BACK TO
[22:53] <bob511> At least they kept his clothes on.
[22:53] <donnamartin> I WALK AWAY FOR TWO SECONDS
[22:54] <Trebbers> That water is 10 proof now
[22:54] <@Ampersand_> "mon dieu! i am all wet!"
[22:54] <dan2> lmao
[22:54] <@Ampersand_> lol treb
[22:54] <kayke> I don't like it here either
[22:54] <dan2> "this is where I usually wake up"
[22:54] <donnamartin> stranger danger
[22:55] <donnamartin> y'all he's being groomed
[22:55] <bob511> Come on.  Depardieu has never groomed a day in his life.
[22:55] <@Ampersand_> lol
[22:55] <Trebbers> ahh
[22:55] <donnamartin> lol
[22:55] <kayke> I don't want to agree with Bogus... but pick that boy up and kiss his face
[22:55] <kayke> his mom just died
[22:56] <@Ampersand_> he only eats croissants now
[22:56] <@Ampersand_> My Mom's So Called Life
[22:57] <Trebbers> A family of robots
[22:57] <bob511> What a terrifying family.
[22:57] <impdentist> that was quite a flashback
[22:57] <Trebbers> Newark World
[22:57] <lhs> her room is the one with the yellow wallpaper
[22:57] <impdentist> peanuts?
[22:58] <@Ampersand_> shelled peanuts
[22:58] <kayke> freak out
[22:58] <donnamartin> that classic
[22:58] <dan2> please let Depardieu onto the court
[22:58] <bob511> Thinking about how many times DP flubbed that scene to get more sandwiches.
[22:58] <bob511> Er, GD.
[22:58] <lhs> weird thing to play over the PA but okay
[22:58] <kayke> lol bob
[22:58] <Trebbers> Depardieu dunking would add a star
[22:58] <Trebbers> So a one star film
[22:59] <impdentist> why is he walking like that
[22:59] <impdentist> i mean, other than the obvious
[22:59] <impdentist> ebert gave this 3/4 so he must dunk three times
[22:59] <dan2> my hope is he doesn't dunk himself, but you see him lifting HJO up for a dunk and to everyone else it looks like he's just jumped 8 feet
[22:59] <Trebbers> ahhaahh
[22:59] <impdentist> i'd put money on that happening
[23:00] <donnamartin> ....
[23:00] <kayke> I want a tiny tuxedo wearing woman to whisper to me
[23:00] <Trebbers> You're fucking fired
[23:01] <bob511> Fucking Christie.
[23:02] <dan2> She had to reschedule the appointment to sell McDonald's ketchup packets for this
[23:02] <Trebbers> "You must pick a fight with the biggest kid at your school"
[23:02] <impdentist> oh of course
[23:02] <kayke> art
[23:02] <kayke> omg before cell phones this must be terrifying for whoopi
[23:02] <donnamartin> i need to talk to the music director of this movie
[23:02] <kayke> I want to scream
[23:02] <dan2> *grabs half eaten sub from can*
[23:03] <impdentist> "you two kids!"
[23:03] <donnamartin> hmm, this doesn't seem liek much of a plan
[23:03] <donnamartin> ahaha okay now i like her
[23:03] <lhs> he'll cover the yard, she'll cover every single street
[23:04] <impdentist> nougat scum?
[23:04] <@Ampersand_> nougat scum>
[23:04] <donnamartin> maybe he really just hates ted
[23:04] <impdentist> ok i guess i didn't mishear
[23:04] <kayke> is he a dr who ?
[23:04] <dan2> if you were gonna cast nogat, Depardieu would be a pretty solid choice
[23:04] <lhs> i heard mutant scum
[23:05] <@Ampersand_> now i hear peanut scum
[23:05] <impdentist> i'm guessing another parking ticket for whoopi
[23:05] <Trebbers> Remix as video for Jeremy
[23:06] <dan2> aha
[23:06] <bob511> Is it normal to repeatedly murder an imaginary friend?
[23:06] <impdentist> where did he get the sword
[23:06] <lhs> sleeping one off
[23:06] <kayke> she needs to get one of those cop stickers my dad has to avoid getting tickets
[23:06] <kayke> like just write "I know a cop" on your window
[23:07] <lhs> she should just put one of the tickets on her windshield when she parks
[23:07] <dan2> I just drive around with a fake siren on top of my honda, works like a charm
[23:08] <impdentist> whoopi's business has her parking fines as a line item in their budget
[23:09] <kayke> whaaat how small is hjo
[23:09] <@Ampersand_> he's bogusing that cat
[23:09] <kayke> is he a borrower?
[23:09] <kayke> the shining
[23:09] <dan2> aha
[23:09] <lhs> depardieu squeezes out of the cat's face
[23:09] <@Ampersand_> AHAHH
[23:09] <donnamartin> ewwww
[23:10] <@Ampersand_> this is perverse
[23:10] <@Ampersand_> load it with nuts
[23:10] <impdentist> the health code violations
[23:10] <Trebbers> Desert bar at the Overlook Hotel
[23:10] <donnamartin> no don't do that no
[23:10] <dan2> ahahahaha
[23:10] <impdentist> it was the last take of the day
[23:10] <impdentist> they ran out of whipped cream
[23:10] <@Ampersand_> "red rum, mon ami?"
[23:10] <Trebbers> aha
[23:10] <impdentist> this child is not well
[23:10] <lhs> moths
[23:11] <donnamartin> don't put that spoon in your mouth
[23:11] <@Ampersand_> stop. humoring. this. child.
[23:11] <dan2> something about the way he said "a boy"
[23:11] <@Ampersand_> stop. being. a. predator.
[23:11] <donnamartin> what
[23:11] <impdentist> is she planning on buying the warehouse? or all the stuff in it?
[23:11] <impdentist> or what
[23:12] <@Ampersand_> damn, hjo is ripped
[23:12] <dan2> Whoopi's Bargain Outlet
[23:12] <kayke> he is casting an interesting silhouette
[23:12] <dan2> this kids name should have been Albert Cadalbert
[23:12] <kayke> gimme some of that garlic bread
[23:13] <donnamartin> maybe then take him to that kid's bday party
[23:13] <impdentist> what
[23:13] <donnamartin> ...
[23:13] <dan2> *Aaron Paul sipping water .gif*
[23:14] <donnamartin> whoopi represents what would happen if i became a mom
[23:15] <lhs> a vest made out of a couch
[23:15] <dan2> Hydrox paid them a million dollars to get that line in
[23:16] <@Ampersand_> *rubs nose*
[23:17] <dan2> eeee
[23:17] <donnamartin> i'm going to need these posters
[23:17] <lhs> d??p
[23:18] <lhs> bogus's imaginary friend ersatz from germany comes to visit
[23:18] <kayke> yikes
[23:18] <kayke> no thanks to this
[23:19] <donnamartin> NO
[23:19] <lhs>  Asked by a TIME reporter if he had participated in rapes, Depardieu said yes. "But it was absolutely normal in those circumstances," he added.
[23:20] <@Ampersand_> agh
[23:20] <kayke> good mom
[23:20] <@Ampersand_> anti-Wide Awake
[23:21] <kayke> woah
[23:21] <@Ampersand_> *points to picture of Bill Clinton*
[23:22] <kayke> She shouted first
[23:22] <Trebbers> That's all you have to do to win?
[23:22] <donnamartin> that was handled well
[23:22] <Trebbers> "Cogus!"
[23:23] <impdentist> AH
[23:23] <bob511> Whoa
[23:23] <kayke> : (
[23:23] <@Ampersand_> omg
[23:23] <bob511> A little warning, movie.
[23:23] <donnamartin> no no no no
[23:23] <lhs> it asked if we were ready
[23:23] <donnamartin> this movie is everything i hate
[23:23] <dan2> is this gonna be Bogus' rival?
[23:23] <dan2> yeah who chose this garbage
[23:24] <donnamartin> why are so many adults here?
[23:24] <kayke> dr caligari
[23:24] <dan2> I thought Dougie would be back in Las Vegas
[23:24] <donnamartin> oh no that's a molestation cabinet
[23:24] <Trebbers> "Albert, a trick is what a whore does for money."
[23:24] <impdentist> oh no gross
[23:24] <kayke> lawnd
[23:24] <@Ampersand_> "you better believe in surprises, miss whoopi... YOU'RE IN ONE"
[23:24] <bob511> Kid's going to get blacklisted at seven.
[23:25] <kayke> lol
[23:25] <impdentist> illuuuuuusion, whoopi
[23:25] <impdentist> this is illegal
[23:25] <Trebbers> Good lord
[23:25] <impdentist> probably
[23:25] <donnamartin> what is going on?
[23:25] <impdentist> whoopi is just decking children
[23:25] <lhs> she calls the cops but they just write her another parking ticket
[23:26] <@Ampersand_> a thirsty surprise
[23:26] <donnamartin> whoopi has the right instinct
[23:26] <lhs> poopin in the planter
[23:26] <bob511> Aha
[23:26] <Trebbers> gif
[23:26] <impdentist> howdeydodats
[23:26] <dan2> an excellent doctor though
[23:26] <bob511> "He has a very successful side business in serial killing, though."
[23:26] <donnamartin> hjo is the kid who tells everyone santa isn't real
[23:27] <Trebbers> hahhah
[23:27] <impdentist> wow whoopi what could you possibly do in this situation to make him like you
[23:29] <kayke> "get dr surprise on the phone!"
[23:29] <bob511> Harvey, of course.
[23:29] <Trebbers> Yikes
[23:30] <donnamartin> ew creepy fucking kid
[23:31] <bob511> Was that a...dibs hydrant?
[23:31] <@Ampersand_> michelin boy
[23:31] <Trebbers> Uh
[23:31] <impdentist> didn't someone predict this earlier
[23:31] <kayke> I hope he meets trump
[23:32] <impdentist> oh of course it's harvey
[23:32] <dan2> being around Bogus has dulled this kid to any sense of Danger
[23:32] <@Ampersand_> In the spirit of It's a Wonderful Life
[23:32] <@Ampersand_> this is criminal
[23:32] <kayke> I mean, you get what you pay for
[23:33] <impdentist> well there you go
[23:34] <bob511> Top-notch security.
[23:34] <impdentist> the same music
[23:34] <donnamartin> Live! from new york!
[23:35] <@Ampersand_> "it's me, Chucky!"
[23:35] <Trebbers> ahah
[23:36] <donnamartin> tbf, a kid who can do magic might be a good draw
[23:37] <donnamartin> he's mindfreaking him
[23:37] <kayke> could there be one normal fucking adult man in this movie plz
[23:37] <dan2> so this is creepy guy number what, 8?
[23:37] <bob511> Way to be the creepy French man in a movie starring Gerard Depardieu.
[23:38] <impdentist> i hate this
[23:38] <Trebbers> Rips mask off, is Freddy
[23:38] <kayke> he comes from hell
[23:38] <dan2> The Dream Child
[23:39] <@Ampersand_> accurate
[23:39] <dan2> no Jerry's Nugget, no sale
[23:39] <impdentist> what
[23:40] <dan2> too late kid
[23:40] <kayke> 80% of his act is hugging
[23:40] <donnamartin> woah hair extensions
[23:40] <impdentist> that audience is amazed and they don't even know she was dead
[23:41] <lhs> how can the audience see anything at all
[23:41] <Trebbers> Vader yell
[23:42] <kayke> "watch him twitch" ??
[23:42] <kayke> I hate everyone in this
[23:42] <kayke> except this bird
[23:42] <kayke> he knows
[23:42] <donnamartin> that bird is the audience proxy
[23:44] <kayke> tuck his pj pants into his socks, just like he likes it
[23:44] <lhs> depardieu will have sizzurp
[23:45] <impdentist> didn't he already say he wasn't actually real
[23:45] <Trebbers> The correct reaction
[23:46] <kayke> that candle stick looks heavy
[23:46] <impdentist> what in the world
[23:46] <donnamartin> when did this become bugs bunney?
[23:46] <dan2> same year as Space Jam
[23:47] <impdentist> an acorn in a donut?
[23:47] <lhs> you know the saying, when life gives you acorns, make donuts
[23:47] <impdentist> kiss
[23:47] <donnamartin> could go for a donut right now
[23:48] <@Ampersand_> yeah this is hot
[23:48] <kayke> not afraid to have a few drinks
[23:48] <@Ampersand_> not afraid to DIE
[23:48] <lhs> that police sketch they keep drawing is pretty accurate, really
[23:48] <donnamartin> is he trying to seduce her?
[23:49] <@Ampersand_> bogie likes um young
[23:49] <dan2> Stalked by my Bogus
[23:49] <impdentist> what is happening
[23:50] <kayke> they're about to host a 1970s variety show
[23:50] <bob511> Not looking forward to the fish-fucking scene.
[23:50] <dan2> heh
[23:50] <donnamartin> i am not drunk enough
[23:51] <donnamartin> this movie cost $32M, made $4.5
[23:51] <kayke> poltergeist
[23:52] <Trebbers> woah
[23:53] <@Ampersand_> the hayjoel deathwish
[23:53] <lhs> you did it to yourself, albert
[23:53] <impdentist> it's just a regular ladder
[23:53] <@Ampersand_> no einstein, this kid
[23:53] <impdentist> just keep on climbing it dude
[23:53] <kayke> Imagine waking up on a ladder tho
[23:54] <kayke> I'd be dead
[23:54] <impdentist> oh was he sleepwalking
[23:54] <impdentist> is that what happened
[23:54] <kayke> I thought so
[23:54] <impdentist> i wasn't paying attention
[23:55] <bob511> Some weird Ghost thing going on here.
[23:55] <@Ampersand_> "got a microwaved brownie for ya"
[23:55] <bob511> "Yeah, our foster father was a real monster."
[23:56] <impdentist> i'm surprised we only got the one brief foster fam flashback
[23:56] <impdentist> kinda thought there would be more to that story
[23:56] <@Ampersand_> no need for a hearse
[23:56] <@Ampersand_> no tact at all
[23:56] <impdentist> those are dead people's graves
[23:56] <Trebbers> Just realized that Depardieu looks like he's auditioning for Doctor Who
[23:57] <donnamartin> oh no no no no
[23:57] <impdentist> don't you fucking dare address me directly
[23:57] <bob511> Just go
[23:57] <Trebbers> Don't talk to me you fuck
[23:57] <donnamartin> this is just rude
[23:57] <donnamartin> fucking french
[23:57] <@Ampersand_> Doctor Sacre Bleu!
[23:57] <donnamartin> lol
[23:57] <dan2> "ze do give us ze fingair somtimes"
[23:57] <impdentist> does he only appear to people when they're on airplanes? is that how he works
[23:57] <@Ampersand_> "by ze way, no refunds"
[23:57] <impdentist> jesus dude
[23:57] <donnamartin> no don't wink
[23:58] <donnamartin> why is he walking like that?
[23:58] <lhs> barf
[23:58] <kayke> is that kermit?
[23:58] <Trebbers> "There is another child I must attend to, Mohammad Atta."
[23:58] <dan2> *trips over tombstone*
[23:58] <bob511> "Oh, and by the way: vote FN."
[23:58] <Trebbers> Nandy Ruman
[23:58] <donnamartin> aha
[23:58] <lhs> his pockets are full of bottles
[23:58] <@Ampersand_> he is what's known as a zerial predator
[23:58] <Trebbers> ahah
[23:58] <dan2> Leon Rougebone
[23:59] <kayke> when there was only one set of footprints, Bogus was carrying you
[23:59] <Trebbers> aha
[23:59] <donnamartin> i'd like to have a chat with marc shaiman
[23:59] <impdentist> does anyone actually talk like this
[23:59] <dan2> I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'm so, so sorry everyone
[23:59] <Trebbers> "The ancient art of teamwork"
[23:59] <donnamartin> dan, i'm starting to think you're not sorry
[23:59] <@Ampersand_> this one was good
[00:00] <@Ampersand_> the time really flew
[00:00] <donnamartin> :)
[00:00] <Trebbers> yes, very
[00:00] <dan2> I am!
[00:00] <@Ampersand_> Bogus carried the time away
[00:00] <dan2> look, we all learned a lot
[00:00] <donnamartin> it's true, i learned how to spot stranger danger
[00:00] <Trebbers> May Bogus watch over your sleep tonight
[00:00] <donnamartin> h. gordon boos is my new name
[00:00] <impdentist> yeah when i saw the run time i was overwhelmed but it really wasn't as much of a slog as i expeceted
[00:00] <donnamartin> this is true
[00:00] <dan2> don't ever look in a mirror and say Bogus three times in a row
[00:00] <@Ampersand_> lol
[00:00] <donnamartin> if you do, will he appear in your tub?
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Postby Ampersand » Mon May 14, 2018 4:23 pm

This Thursday,
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Postby Ampersand » Wed May 16, 2018 12:39 pm

Bump! Tomorrow night!
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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 17, 2018 11:48 am

Check the hpn db to join!
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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 17, 2018 2:57 pm

Ampersand wrote:TONIGHT @ 2200 EDT
Check the hpn db to join!
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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 17, 2018 8:01 pm

2 hours until showtime!
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Postby ratbags » Thu May 17, 2018 9:31 pm

this still on tiny chat?
session to session
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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 17, 2018 9:43 pm

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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 17, 2018 9:46 pm

ratbags wrote:this still on tiny chat?

we've moved over to a simple web IRC chat, linked above
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Postby ratbags » Thu May 17, 2018 9:48 pm

i'm ready to party. i've been meaning to watch this movie for a year.
session to session
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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 17, 2018 10:02 pm

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Postby Ampersand » Thu May 17, 2018 11:48 pm

Code: Select all
[22:13] <@Ampersand_> 3
[22:13] <ratbags> ok
[22:13] <@Ampersand_> 2
[22:13] <@Ampersand_> 1
[22:13] <ratbags> very excited
[22:13] <ratbags> to see where nightmare meets reality
[22:13] <ratbags> at the end of the eartth
[22:14] <dan2> almost done building that greenhouse
[22:14] <@Ampersand_> LOL
[22:14] <@Ampersand_> whoops
[22:14] <@Ampersand_> lol
[22:14] <ratbags> powerful beginning
[22:14] <dan2> this chick's not very good at feeding her fish
[22:14] <Trebbers> What the fuck
[22:14] <@Ampersand_> one sun, two sun
[22:14] <ratbags> timelapse
[22:15] <ratbags> seven suns
[22:15] <dan2> what the
[22:15] <ratbags> she looks crispy
[22:15] <Trebbers> This is some sub-Army of Darkness shit
[22:16] <ratbags> the soft focus is out of control
[22:16] <Trebbers> See if he has enuf gold to upgrade from the basic chainmail
[22:16] <dan2> Jun Snuh!
[22:16] <ratbags> are we sure that is jeff bridges and not a muppet of jeff bridges
[22:16] <@Ampersand_> my goodness
[22:16] <dan2> no way will I be able to handle that voice for 90 mins
[22:16] <ratbags> holy shit
[22:17] <ratbags> a merry brawl!!!
[22:17] <@Ampersand_> Drunken Mumbler
[22:17] <ratbags> what kind of line was that
[22:18] <dan2> WORLDSTAR
[22:18] <lhs> he should be reading the stuff from civ advancements in that voice
[22:18] <dan2> I would kill for that
[22:18] <dan2> somebody get Jeff Bridges into a bunch of gambling debt so he has to do that
[22:18] <ratbags> wow that's a crazy carriage
[22:18] <@Ampersand_> she's got a case of the velociraptor
[22:19] <lhs> hairballs
[22:20] <ratbags> j bridges is way too stoned for this
[22:20] <@Ampersand_> 40 years without nail clippers
[22:20] <bob511> I always thought Moore should have been the witch from the Battle for Endor.
[22:21] <Trebbers> dreadlock dragon
[22:21] <ratbags> that dragon looks great with julianne moore's hair
[22:21] <@Ampersand_> the dragon has dreads
[22:21] <dan2> more like Julie Animorph
[22:21] <lhs> heh
[22:21] <Trebbers> Simply love to get stoned to Deadlock Dragon
[22:21] <ratbags> the big drabowski
[22:21] <bob511> Never going to conquer Westeros with those dragon-riding skills.
[22:22] <ratbags> she's not my dragon friend
[22:22] <Trebbers> William's summer internship going well
[22:22] <Trebbers> Just going to subtitle when you can't understand what Bridges is saying
[22:23] <lhs> did they cgi his mouth
[22:23] <@Ampersand_> looool
[22:23] <Trebbers> ahah
[22:23] <ratbags> this is the worst witcher adaptation
[22:24] <ratbags> so presumably this old mumbly drunk has been dragging people's teen sons away from their homes and getting them killed
[22:24] <ratbags> and no one is saying anything?
[22:24] <Trebbers> The fuck
[22:24] <bob511> Oh, not so much The Witcher as Dink Smallwood, I guess.
[22:24] <@Ampersand_> what a buncha babes
[22:24] <ratbags> pigs look insane in soft focus
[22:25] <dan2> it'd be more refreshing to see a movie where they focused on a guy who really wanted to be a pig farmer and just spend the whole movie dedicating himself to it
[22:25] <lhs> the hero's staycation
[22:25] <ratbags> yeah why does everyone always have to leave a perfectly good life of raisin their hogs in the woods
[22:26] <ratbags> i imagine its lucrative since youre the only guy with hogs in those woods
[22:26] <Trebbers> Shiv this fucker
[22:26] <lhs> how can he be hungry when his mouth is always full
[22:26] <dan2> "wrap up a pig for the road while you're at it"
[22:27] <@Ampersand_> holy cow, we're supposed to believe she's had at least 7 full grown children
[22:27] <ratbags> not just children
[22:27] <ratbags> sons
[22:27] <bob511> At least nine, I guess?
[22:27] <ratbags> she also has that daught
[22:27] <ratbags> er
[22:27] <Trebbers> What
[22:28] <ratbags> lol
[22:28] <dan2> so the kid's been having Spook Dreams?
[22:28] <ratbags> i refuse to believe there was a script for this
[22:28] <@Ampersand_> "be less horny than your father and me"
[22:29] <bob511> Heh
[22:29] <jpeen_theElder> 'eh.'
[22:29] <dan2> oh man one of the scriptwriters on this wrote K-Pax
[22:29] <Trebbers> ahahah
[22:30] <bob511> Ahlash, pur leddy
[22:30] <lhs> fuck k-pax
[22:30] <ratbags> bridges definitely owed someone a favour
[22:30] <dan2> welcome to the tutorial stage
[22:30] <@Ampersand_> "he doilied us"
[22:30] <dan2> that's what you get for breaking the magician's code
[22:30] <Trebbers> Stop saying spook
[22:31] <bob511> They really let the Haunted Mansion go to seed.
[22:31] <ratbags> i think i'm on the witches side, to be honest
[22:32] <dan2> Knave's Landing
[22:32] <Trebbers> TAVERN
[22:33] <dan2> FlowAH
[22:33] <@Ampersand_> ohhhhh
[22:33] <lhs> sidequest incoming
[22:33] <Trebbers> SIDEQUEST!
[22:33] <jpeen_theElder> starting to think this is just a promotional cut of phantom menace with new backgrounds greenscreened in
[22:33] <jpeen_theElder> you masterbate where now?
[22:33] <ratbags> oh my god
[22:34] <ratbags> ...she's extremely dangerous
[22:34] <lhs> bacon, the currency of the lands
[22:34] <ratbags> this got sexy really fast
[22:34] <ratbags> like they just met
[22:34] <ratbags> take it easy
[22:34] <lhs> she's going to get naked and give him her collectible card
[22:35] <dan2> I guess when the average life expectancy is 31 you try to fit in as much sex as possible
[22:35] <ratbags> oldest trick in the book
[22:35] <bob511> This guy is going to make a great witch-hunter.
[22:35] <ratbags> easily seduced? check
[22:36] <lhs> "thanks, they're fluevogs"
[22:37] <Trebbers> ahahhahahh
[22:37] <Trebbers> Panda Mountain?
[22:37] <dan2> question: does the bloodmoon affect the bloodcakes?
[22:38] <ratbags> he's just a ghast
[22:38] <dan2> little sex creature?
[22:38] <Trebbers> Level six creature
[22:38] <@Ampersand_> "just some gas"
[22:38] <dan2> is that really what he said?
[22:38] <lhs> heh treb
[22:38] <@Ampersand_> "sowry"
[22:38] <Trebbers> Yes
[22:38] <dan2> are these guys gonna find gear that they're too low level to use?
[22:38] <ratbags> gas is harmless
[22:39] <bob511> Bill Bradley?
[22:39] <dan2> Malkin is a good name for a very evil woman
[22:40] <dan2> this movie rules
[22:41] <dan2> I feel like we need some backstory on how Bridges and Tusk became friends
[22:41] <ratbags> that's for the spin off
[22:41] <lhs> time to level up your blacksmithing
[22:41] <bob511> I assume Tusk gave him elocution lessons?
[22:42] <Trebbers> That's just fake tapestry
[22:42] <@Ampersand_> seems like a kinda arbitrary number
[22:43] <jpeen_theElder> knew this was an unlicensed zelda property
[22:43] <ratbags> wait
[22:43] <ratbags> so he's a hundred years old
[22:43] <jpeen_theElder> sounds right
[22:43] <dan2> whoa
[22:43] <ratbags> lol
[22:43] <ratbags> fucking witches
[22:43] <Trebbers> Used up their one 'fuck'
[22:43] <ratbags> this guy is a real salty jerk
[22:43] <lhs> reading the game guide
[22:43] <bob511> "Could we get that again, Jeff?" "I'll be in my trailer."
[22:44] <dan2> why isn't he using the lava halbred there?
[22:44] <dan2> I'd equip that shit ASAP
[22:45] <dan2> is that Bridges ending up doing with Kit Harrington?
[22:45] <ratbags> he does know he has the right to refuse unsafe work right?
[22:46] <@Ampersand_> no seventh child labor laws in place, sadly
[22:46] <ratbags> "im a pig farmer!"
[22:47] <bob511> Is that how that works?
[22:47] <dan2> so is the 8th son of the 8th son even better but they just never manage to find any?
[22:47] <Trebbers> Wombs just give out at 7
[22:47] <lhs> they did but they were just mosquitos
[22:48] <dan2> Ragu, got it
[22:48] <@Ampersand_> wow, a joke
[22:48] <ratbags> ogre scrotum?
[22:49] <dan2> never gonna win the stuffed animal
[22:49] <lhs> don't invest in knife-throwing, come on
[22:49] <Trebbers> These bad guys seem pretty happening
[22:50] <dan2> only the truly perfect knife throw can defeat this evil once and for all
[22:50] <bob511> "Tomi Lahren is more your speed."
[22:50] <Trebbers> Black Ming the Merciless
[22:52] <ratbags> i smell a romance
[22:53] <@Ampersand_> they do probably stink
[22:53] <lhs> his charisma isn't high enough to access those dialog branches
[22:53] <ratbags> he doesnt find her dressing so fast suspicious?
[22:53] <Trebbers> what the fuck
[22:53] <bob511> That's said, huh?
[22:54] <ratbags> i'm putting that on my okcupid profile
[22:54] <bob511> Was that a...Cher gag?
[22:55] <dan2> poor Tusk :(
[22:55] <ratbags> whoa dude, monsters?
[22:55] <ratbags> he's your bud
[22:55] <ratbags> CUT TO:
[22:56] <dan2> Tusk you rascal
[22:56] <ratbags> kind of loving the decisions made in this film
[22:56] <dan2> I bet if you distilled Jeff Bridges piss it would disintigrate any witch
[22:57] <ratbags> why do they call it the walled city?
[22:57] <ratbags> it's got a big wall around it, boy
[22:57] == jpeen_theYngr [18016a9d@gateway/web/freenode/ip.] has joined #hpnmovieseries
[22:57] <ratbags> i feel like they're fucking with eras here
[22:57] <dan2> really really want to see footage of Bridges in the recording both doing ADR
[22:58] <Trebbers> Laying down on a couch
[22:58] <jpeen_theYngr> come again?
[22:58] <ratbags> maybe you should take on that guy as an apprentice
[22:58] <ratbags> the lone survivor of thousands that caught the demon bear
[22:59] <dan2> did he just throw a chicken foot
[22:59] <bob511> I guess he hit the head this time.
[23:00] <ratbags> youre gonna sit there and tell me youve never thrown a chicken foot
[23:00] <dan2> Bill Rebane!
[23:00] <@Ampersand_> lol
[23:01] <ratbags> lol
[23:01] <Trebbers> Oh shit
[23:01] <dan2> *tap A reoeatedly to tilt cauldron*
[23:01] <jpeen_theYngr> um hello. cauldrons!?
[23:02] <ratbags> oddly tho
[23:02] <ratbags> Burn the Bear Man is the name of my new metal album
[23:02] <dan2> *Tusk walks in to piss out the bear man*
[23:02] <jpeen_theYngr> would blind dl
[23:03] <ratbags> wheres heg oing
[23:03] <dan2> "you are USZWHZYZZ to me!"
[23:03] <ratbags> i like how the bad guys are all furries
[23:03] <lhs> hate it when your party members leave because you don't meet their stupid alignment requirements
[23:03] <dan2> Streaks?
[23:04] <ratbags> finally more romance
[23:05] <bob511> "Sometimes you just dragged your feet on the rug."
[23:05] <dan2> heh
[23:05] <jpeen_theYngr> groan
[23:06] <Trebbers> wasting no time
[23:06] <jpeen_theYngr> so she def banged the master right
[23:06] <lhs> maybe her mom did and she's his daughter
[23:06] <bob511> This movie has three Oscar winners, huh?
[23:06] <jpeen_theYngr> how you like pigs?
[23:07] <jpeen_theYngr> that's fine, you don't need to like em; just their excrement
[23:07] <ratbags> the pig farmer and his witch lover
[23:07] <ratbags> a story as old as time
[23:08] <jpeen_theYngr> would buy that so hard at the airport
[23:08] <ratbags> oh shit lhs was right
[23:08] <dan2> Gandalf the Wasted
[23:08] <ratbags> lol
[23:08] <jpeen_theYngr> behind the scenes: jeff brought that fern to set with him from home
[23:09] <jpeen_theYngr> haha dan
[23:09] <bob511> ::takes a swig of novacaine::
[23:09] <Trebbers> ah
[23:09] <lhs> it really ties the clearing together
[23:09] <dan2> aha
[23:09] <ratbags> lol
[23:09] <@Ampersand_> grubhub?
[23:09] <Trebbers> crever
[23:10] <lhs> master gregory de winter
[23:10] <ratbags> *tusk walks over and pisses on the grave*
[23:10] <dan2> hah
[23:10] <Trebbers> haha
[23:10] <Trebbers> Classic Tusk
[23:10] <jpeen_theYngr> I want the vr experience of whatever fuckin place wizard jeffie grew up in
[23:10] <dan2> I hope tusk ends up being the one who saves the kingdom
[23:11] <ratbags> whoa cool hoodie
[23:11] <ratbags> if only tusk couldve said
[23:11] <ratbags> NO YOU IDIOTS
[23:11] <ratbags> THERE'S A MOLE
[23:11] <bob511> Stupid random encounters.
[23:11] <@Ampersand_> medieval potholes are gnarly
[23:11] <ratbags> this rules
[23:12] <dan2> Isn't a bogart supposed to be like a foot tall
[23:12] <ratbags> NOT TUSK
[23:12] <Trebbers> You're thinking of a boglin
[23:12] <dan2> no way on earth is Tusk gonna die to something like that
[23:13] <bob511> They promptly drown weighted down with gold and silver.
[23:13] <ratbags> usually when jeff bridges has a bogart problem its cause the joint is being bogarted
[23:13] <ratbags> am i right
[23:13] <lhs> wwwwwipeout
[23:13] <dan2> ahahaha
[23:13] <ratbags> what is he shouting
[23:13] <dan2> MIZZAWOD!
[23:14] <@Ampersand_> turns out bogarts are excellent drowners
[23:14] <ratbags> that was cool
[23:14] <ratbags> another seventh son bites the dust
[23:15] <dan2> feel bad for the poor mill that Bogart is gonna run into
[23:15] <dan2> some guy is just trying to grind some grain and all of suddent theres a Bogart clogging up the water wheel
[23:16] <ratbags> insanely unfair that the witches can become dragons
[23:16] <bob511> Gregory sheepishly puts away his rolodex.
[23:16] <Trebbers> ahh
[23:16] <dan2> he's on one today
[23:16] <ratbags> uah dannae duie easmfkil y mowart
[23:17] <Trebbers> "Now give me a minute, Tom, while I finish taking a shit"
[23:17] <lhs> how many marshmellows does greg have in his mouth rn
[23:18] <jpeen_theYngr> it's all ecig-juiced cotton balls
[23:18] <bob511> Literally every woman in this movie is a witch.
[23:18] <jpeen_theYngr> accurate
[23:18] <Trebbers> Intersectionality medieval style
[23:19] <dan2> hold on guys wait for tusk to find you
[23:19] <dan2> cause there's no way he died to getting slapped once by a bogart
[23:19] <ratbags> tusk is gonna show up while greg is burning julianne and start pissing
[23:19] <ratbags> TUSK NOT NOW
[23:19] <bob511> Ha
[23:19] <@Ampersand_> ya boi
[23:20] <dan2> so they can become dragons and hair
[23:20] <dan2> I'm sorry, hair spirits
[23:20] <ratbags> theyre gonna need the ghostbusters
[23:21] <Trebbers> Slimer's gotta be a level 1 spook, right
[23:21] <ratbags> wait are they in europe
[23:21] <ratbags> or arizona
[23:21] <jpeen_theYngr> guess theyre dealin with the americans now
[23:21] <jpeen_theYngr> damn. I would not fuck with that thing
[23:22] <ratbags> is it just me or are some of these incarnations racist
[23:22] <jpeen_theYngr> that a fuckin space weasel or what
[23:22] <dan2> that must be why they call him the master of swords
[23:22] <jpeen_theYngr> I knew we shoudna ever moved to shitteshollow
[23:23] <ratbags> they made a mistake not calling that guy BONEBACK
[23:23] <lhs> she should've summoned pigs
[23:23] <jpeen_theYngr> 'superstition', ye said
[23:23] <ratbags> puh?
[23:23] <ratbags> guh?
[23:23] <@Ampersand_> which witch?
[23:23] <ratbags> a ...w-w-w-w-wITCH????
[23:23] <ratbags> *scooby runs off*
[23:24] <@Ampersand_> momfetti
[23:24] <jpeen_theYngr> well that'll kill a saturday
[23:24] <bob511> Oh, shit, it is novacaine.
[23:25] <jpeen_theYngr> bazinga
[23:25] <ratbags> TUSK
[23:25] <dan2> TOLD YOU guys
[23:25] <Trebbers> Hell yea
[23:26] <lhs> love her, you barely know her
[23:26] <bob511> "I was TRYING that."
[23:27] <@Ampersand_> born deh whish
[23:28] <dan2> what does Ragu turn into again? a lion?
[23:28] <ratbags> KNIFE THROW
[23:28] <dan2> CUM!
[23:28] <Trebbers> Noooooooooo
[23:28] <ratbags> jesus
[23:29] <ratbags> he treats tusk like shit
[23:29] <dan2> again, it's gonna take a lot more than that to topple the tusk
[23:29] <ratbags> *ducks out of the way so the log hits tusk*
[23:29] <ratbags> TUSSSSKKKK!!!
[23:30] <@Ampersand_> softest focus
[23:30] <bob511> What is surprising about her being here?
[23:30] <lhs> obiwan kemommy
[23:30] <bob511> People are teleporting all over this movie.
[23:30] <jpeen_theYngr> this is a total dune ripoff
[23:31] <ratbags> i bet david lynch would like this movie
[23:31] <dan2> "all the pig finding pays off here my son"
[23:31] <jpeen_theYngr> the benejesserit will be arriving soon, do NOT take the option to put your dick in the box
[23:31] <ratbags> TUSK
[23:31] <@Ampersand_> he tusked up
[23:31] <ratbags> im all in on tusk
[23:32] <Trebbers> Get off that Ledge Tusk
[23:32] <dan2> I'm a bit worried they're setting Tusk up for a big hero death at the finale
[23:32] <ratbags> "fleetwood mac is gonna name an album after you, tusk"
[23:33] <dan2> "Look at me, look at me...I'm the Spook now"
[23:34] <ratbags> "this stone increases the chances of contraception"
[23:34] <jpeen_theYngr> he-ape is definitely dyin dont worry
[23:34] <ratbags> "now let me tell you somethin about the spook"
[23:34] <@Ampersand_> womb raider
[23:34] <Trebbers> ahahahh
[23:34] <lhs> get over here
[23:35] <bob511> Oh no, the magic stone is going to get crushed under all the styrofoam.
[23:35] <ratbags> thats just like...
[23:35] <ratbags> your opinion man
[23:35] <dan2> he did it!
[23:36] <@Ampersand_> damn tusk don't hurt em
[23:36] <ratbags> lol
[23:36] <ratbags> im dead
[23:36] <dan2> full on Flubber
[23:37] <dan2> oh god
[23:37] <jpeen_theYngr> brutal
[23:37] <dan2> Flamin Hot Cheetos
[23:38] <ratbags> DOTTASTAKEADRUGUN
[23:39] <Trebbers> aha
[23:39] <@Ampersand_> should have chewed your food first
[23:39] <dan2> final scene of the movie is gonna be Bridges taking a gigantic wad of dip out of his mouth and then speaking normally
[23:40] <Trebbers> "Rehersal was good, let's shoot this thing!"
[23:40] <ratbags> "why didn't you tell me that i still had that in there, MOWARTS?"
[23:40] <jpeen_theYngr> hey uh, maybe dont hold her back seein as shes a witch
[23:40] <jpeen_theYngr> next time
[23:40] <@Ampersand_> please, think of the dragons.
[23:41] <ratbags> i kind of want those gloves
[23:41] <lhs> you son of a witch
[23:41] <@Ampersand_> 10 minutes of credits?
[23:41] <dan2> so it really did get resolved by a knife throw, joke's on me
[23:42] <ratbags> an epilogue of tusk fulfilling his pissing wishlist
[23:42] <bob511> Aha
[23:42] <bob511> The magic staff turns out to be a giant zippo.
[23:42] <Trebbers> Like take the body outside?
[23:42] <dan2> the entire point of being a seventh son was just so he could wield the really broken weapon?
[23:42] <jpeen_theYngr> do u really have to destroy the beautiful furniture
[23:42] <jpeen_theYngr> was that couch just too evil
[23:45] <ratbags> haunting
[23:45] <@Ampersand_> time to die
[23:45] <dan2> I'll show you where the litter box is
[23:46] <Trebbers> "You're going to have to express his anal glands occasionally"
[23:46] <ratbags> "this whole movie meant nothing, tom"
[23:46] <lhs> he doesn't play chubby bunny by the rules
[23:46] <@Ampersand_> lol
[23:46] <dan2> wha
[23:46] <Trebbers> ahahha
[23:46] <ratbags> wow
[23:46] <dan2> you were wrong amp, only 9 and a half minutes of credits
[23:46] <@Ampersand_> what the hell is a screen story
[23:46] <jpeen_theYngr> damn guess he really is cuttin the semester to 3wks this fall
[23:46] <ratbags> of course theres a book
[23:47] <dan2> closeups of Tusk's piss particles
[23:47] <@Ampersand_> lol
[23:47] <Trebbers> They really didn't need to go to all this trouble on the credits
[23:47] <jpeen_theYngr> want that jeff bridges screensaver
[23:48] <@Ampersand_> truly a legendary picture
[23:48] <jpeen_theElder> the fabled uic library before the fire of 1507
[23:48] <@Ampersand_> THE GOOD SON on Sunday. night all!
[23:48] <ratbags> im gonna remember that one for awhile
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