Tales of your roommates

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in

Postby Dear You » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:03 am

an inspired thread

So, in my apartment, I've lived with a good variety of people. Guys, gals, gays, people with autism, you name it.

Anyways, one of my roommates is particularly awful. To start, dude hasn't had a job in God knows how long. He got disability pay for a while because of a "bad back". He also has a prescription for Xanax, of which he consumes in a few days, so he just spends those days wandering the apartment, fucked up, and just being a nuisance.

Anyways, on one of his Xanax holidays, he was talking to one of my other roommates. He was just hanging out on the couch with a robe on. Now, because of his disability, he had physical therapy to go to once a week. His physical therapy was in this pool or something. Something swimming related, I don't know specifics. Anyways, he goes on to say that being in this pool is the only thing he does for cleaning.

Which means he's never showered here. Ever. Which would make sense, as I've never heard his shower running ever.

Anyways, I guess if you don't shower for four fucking months, it takes a toll on your body. I guess you get sores. On your dick. He talks about how he sores on/around his dick, although you can only notice it when he has an erection. He then proceeds to try and give himself a boner to show off his sores.

This happened about a month and a half ago. I've still never heard his shower run. And he's currently been high on Xanax for about two days.

Uhhhh.
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Postby Klint » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:05 am

When I lived with pop zeus he shit his pants in his sleep in the living room.
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Postby the good good time » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:07 am

pretty hard to top "dick sores"
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Postby Tongue-Tied » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:07 am

Dear You wrote:He then proceeds to try and give himself a boner to show off his sores.


"alright guys, give me a minute here. just let me think of some tits real quick. just trying to show off some sores."
marry me
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Postby Lampwick » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:09 am

I lived with two friends who were dating and I never caught them boning and it made me sad
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Postby mcwop23 » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:09 am

Klint wrote:When I lived with pop zeus he shit his pants in his sleep in the living room.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxIE9jTpfTk
Image
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Postby nzs » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:10 am

klintt where were you when the poop thread was running
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Postby Klint » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:11 am

Oh, like I can keep track of poop threads around here.
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Postby sadville » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:17 am

two past roommates board here
a dong is
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Postby Dear You » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:19 am

I was going to post my story after it happened. But then I remembered.

He boards here too.

::plottwist::
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Postby The Dirty Turtle » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:21 am

you can tell us if its badhat
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Postby Klint » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:21 am

sadville wrote:two past roommates board here

Same here.
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Postby The Dirty Turtle » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:24 am

3 for me. also i will contribute funny stories to this thread tomorrow. in one story someone jumps face first into a wall and in another story someone showers for 45 minutes in their own clothes.
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Postby Klint » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:30 am

pop zeus and I worked at Jimmy John's together for a time. Well, one day after a serious night of partying I'm washing the dishes and the phone rings and I answer. It's pop zeus. He can't come in because his car has been stolen. This car had like four donut tires on it and was bondo colored. No one would steal it, ever. He didn't come into work. Later he realized that he left his car somewhere else and it was cool.


Cut to a year or two later. p zizzle's car gets towed and he responds by drunkenly stealing the piece back from the local towing company. Second guessing himself, he calls a mutual friend in law school. Said friend tells him to return the car ASAP.



Car is now cube.
Last edited by Klint on Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Vasya » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:33 am

bit of a stretch in a thread about roommates, but when I was staying with a guy in New York I'd regularly wake up in the middle of the night to the couple upstairs having sex right overhead, which usually went something like, thump-thump-thump 'ooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaahhhh!!' thump-thump-thump-thump 'aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooohhh!' over and over and over

which in itself isn't really remarkable, beyond my amusement that this woman sounded like she learned how to fake from porn, but one night in the middle of sex their newborn baby started to cry and the mother just screamed, 'SHUT UP!' before going back to fucking
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Postby abs » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:36 am

i came home last night to a fort made out of sheets in the living room with a sign on the outside that said "hug hut" and they were playing the buzzcocks and screaming along. i went to bed.
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Postby Dear You » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:38 am

Vasya wrote:bit of a stretch in a thread about roommates, but when I was staying with a guy in New York I'd regularly wake up in the middle of the night to the couple upstairs having sex right overhead, which usually went something like, thump-thump-thump 'ooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaahhhh!!' thump-thump-thump-thump 'aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooohhh!' over and over and over

which in itself isn't really remarkable, beyond my amusement that this woman sounded like she learned how to fake from porn, but one night in the middle of sex their newborn baby started to cry and the mother just screamed, 'SHUT UP!' before going back to fucking


on a similar note, there were these two people boning in one of the rooms here, and i guess someone wanted to get something from the room. the guy having sex was gonna stop, as it was an awkward situation, but the girl just starts yelling "DON'T STOP DON'T YOU FUCKING STOP" and keep making really awful sounding fake porn noises. hahaha.
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Postby Klint » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:39 am

DELAWARE.
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Postby sordid affair » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:40 am

i've always had ridiculously good luck with roommates. literally the worst thing any of them ever did was take snack foods that i'd bought and not reciprocate

i feel like i've heard so many neighbor sex stories lately. one friend of mine has her baseboard right up against another couple's, so her walls and floor vibrate
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Postby The Emperor's Son » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:41 am

where is wheeljack anyway
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Postby The Dirty Turtle » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:41 am

on the second night of college one of my roommates, a division one hockey player (not the one who boards here), goes out and when he comes back he climbs into bed and there is another guy in there. hes all whats the fuck and they get into a pushing thing while in bed with one another. eventually both of them are so drunk that they pass out (i hope all of you recall the size of freshman beds). in the morning my roommate wakes up and realizes he isnt in his own room. he climbs out of bed and realizes he slept in the bedroom across the hall from his own, with one of the dudes on the lacrosse team.

keep in mind that each of these guys has played on a d1 team that was at some point ranked in the top 15 in the country. they spent one of the nights on the first weekend of college sleeping with each other.

anyway, this is one of the roommates i will tell a story of.
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Postby Dear You » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:42 am

there was a party here last night. after i passed out, someone took a frozen pizza of mine, and proceeded to try and cook it in our microwave.

needless to say, it didn't work, and now we have a broken microwave.

and i have no frozen pizza.
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Postby CudNylon » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:43 am

This thread would work better if my roommate posted here. His post tonight would have read "Cud walked into the sliding glass door, tried to play it off like he tripped over a chair leg."
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Postby mites » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:44 am

dear you do I know them?
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Postby Klint » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:45 am

CudNylon wrote:This thread would work better if my roommate posted here. His post tonight would have read "Cud walked into the sliding glass door, tried to play it off like he tripped over a chair leg."

Riveting.
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Postby mites » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:45 am

also,

the anarchists have decided that we need a gun
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Postby Dear You » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:47 am

mites wrote:dear you do I know them?


I doubt it. He's like 27. Knows a lot of people in the Dover area, but I dunno how you two could have come across each other.

I gotta get out of this state.
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Postby sordid affair » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:47 am

it's so funny how the ends of the political spectrum really meet. your anarchist roommates want a gun, and my friend's crazy reactionary confederate roommate wants a gun
andrei wrote: i heard james joyce is tough, this is probably like the james joyce of rap, ostensibly, if you wanna think of it in those terms. haha, and it bumps, too!
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Postby sordid affair » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:48 am

and i'm sure they hate the government equally
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Postby skittish » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:51 am

my roommate commented on one of his own facebook pictures:

"Its OK to be a Phanatic It's OK to be called a Phanatic
As long as you are a Phanatic about Jesus FIRST
I'm one"

i did not choose my roommate
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