2018 dystopia logbook: happy piss year

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in

Postby office plant » Mon Jun 11, 2018 9:58 am

i want that chicken
User avatar
office plant
 
Posts: 7712
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:58 am

Postby delgriffith » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:00 am

User avatar
delgriffith
 
Posts: 9205
Joined: Sun Dec 27, 2009 5:26 pm

Postby oh! it's max! » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:02 am

i fill my hole with dominos sometimes
seriously.
User avatar
oh! it's max!
 
Posts: 1753
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:25 pm
Location: rochester

Postby bongo » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:02 am

i hate america
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68876
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby Kenny » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:03 am

delgriffith wrote:

"Well, FarmersOnly.com did swing for the kidney replacement, but they did brand the side of it with their logo"
Image [PEACE] [LOVE] [UNITY] [RESPECT] ImageImage

Hi, I'm Kenny. I'm a Sagittarius and I love old video games and drinking craft beers.
User avatar
Kenny
"Two Phones" Maccabee
 
Posts: 18799
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2013 5:04 am
Location: https://i.imgur.com/YhvNstr.jpg

Postby Eyeball Kid » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:03 am

We did it, we're actually living in Infinite Jest
User avatar
Eyeball Kid
 
Posts: 24159
Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 1:17 pm

Postby uncledoj » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:07 am

Fuck. How is any of this real.
User avatar
uncledoj
 
Posts: 1599
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:39 pm
Location: Saint Paul

Postby Durham » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:35 am

Came here to post the dominos pothole

Atmosphere of reality denial is accelerating
User avatar
Durham
 
Posts: 39845
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 6:34 pm
Location: 火車

Postby bongo » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:36 am

Eyeball Kid wrote:We did it, we're actually living in Infinite Jest


dominos to fill in president trumps concavity
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68876
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby brent » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:40 am

Russell Weiner, president of Domino’s USA wrote:Have you ever hit a pothole and instantly cringed? We know that feeling is heightened when you’re bringing home a carryout order from your local Domino’s store. We don’t want to lose any great-tasting pizza to a pothole, ruining a wonderful meal.
User avatar
brent
 
Posts: 27809
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 6:20 pm
Location: ...the good life

Postby object » Mon Jun 11, 2018 12:41 pm

delgriffith wrote:


Image
User avatar
object
 
Posts: 2255
Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2017 8:17 pm
Location: flying waterbed

Postby object » Mon Jun 11, 2018 12:42 pm

america is finished
User avatar
object
 
Posts: 2255
Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2017 8:17 pm
Location: flying waterbed

Postby object » Mon Jun 11, 2018 12:43 pm

what are the good chinese soundcloud rappers
User avatar
object
 
Posts: 2255
Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2017 8:17 pm
Location: flying waterbed

Postby cartola » Mon Jun 11, 2018 12:57 pm

bongo wrote:i hate america

Oh no you didn't
User avatar
cartola
 
Posts: 6904
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:36 pm
Location: The Garden of Earthly Delights

Postby Feech La Manna » Mon Jun 11, 2018 1:13 pm

They should call him Reverend Right because that's what he was all along
badhat wrote:bike solve all problems
User avatar
Feech La Manna
noir as fuck
 
Posts: 76197
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:45 pm
Location: Snoopy and Prickly Pete

Postby Feech La Manna » Mon Jun 11, 2018 1:17 pm

badhat wrote:bike solve all problems
User avatar
Feech La Manna
noir as fuck
 
Posts: 76197
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:45 pm
Location: Snoopy and Prickly Pete

Postby john plainman » Mon Jun 11, 2018 1:38 pm

new lows, every day
User avatar
john plainman
Hello? Hello? Anybody home?
 
Posts: 9081
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 6:45 pm

Postby john plainman » Mon Jun 11, 2018 1:40 pm

yea burn it down

User avatar
john plainman
Hello? Hello? Anybody home?
 
Posts: 9081
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 6:45 pm

Postby loaf angel » Mon Jun 11, 2018 1:44 pm

Feech La Manna wrote:


fuckin scumbag.

i talked to a friend who lives near there and says the guy has lived at the lake for a while and a bunch of people have pitched in and helped him buy new stuff

blech
goldsoundz wrote:i'd bang that moron
User avatar
loaf angel
 
Posts: 32620
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 6:28 pm
Location: Jerklyn

Postby uncledoj » Mon Jun 11, 2018 2:04 pm

That asshole indiscriminately throwing a homeless man's things everywhere while people stand around and helplessly complain seems like a pretty good encapsulation of where this nightmare country is at right now
User avatar
uncledoj
 
Posts: 1599
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:39 pm
Location: Saint Paul

Postby Kenny » Mon Jun 11, 2018 2:30 pm

would love some internet vigilantisim on that fucker
Image [PEACE] [LOVE] [UNITY] [RESPECT] ImageImage

Hi, I'm Kenny. I'm a Sagittarius and I love old video games and drinking craft beers.
User avatar
Kenny
"Two Phones" Maccabee
 
Posts: 18799
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2013 5:04 am
Location: https://i.imgur.com/YhvNstr.jpg

Postby Gussie Fink-Nottle » Mon Jun 11, 2018 4:18 pm

I'd pay some good money to be able to tinker with that guy's brain.
It is mating season for the pterosaurs, and this well-endowed male wants YOU to fly with him.
User avatar
Gussie Fink-Nottle
 
Posts: 2769
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:45 am
Location: N4

Postby Gussie Fink-Nottle » Mon Jun 11, 2018 4:20 pm

Not in that Borgesian 1,000 year prison sentence way though, I just want to crack his skull open and pour some acid in there.
It is mating season for the pterosaurs, and this well-endowed male wants YOU to fly with him.
User avatar
Gussie Fink-Nottle
 
Posts: 2769
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:45 am
Location: N4

Postby wendy » Mon Jun 11, 2018 7:07 pm

Gussie Fink-Nottle wrote:I'd pay some good money to be able to tinker with that guy's brain.

i chuckled
User avatar
wendy
 
Posts: 38055
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:07 pm

Postby dada » Mon Jun 11, 2018 7:28 pm

uncledoj wrote:That asshole indiscriminately throwing a homeless man's things everywhere while people stand around and helplessly complain seems like a pretty good encapsulation of where this nightmare country is at right now
User avatar
dada
 
Posts: 88
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:28 pm

Postby coop » Tue Jun 12, 2018 10:38 am

User avatar
coop
 
Posts: 13526
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 12:29 am
Location: San Junipero

Postby tgk » Tue Jun 12, 2018 10:55 am

sounds good to me
User avatar
tgk
 
Posts: 29281
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2011 5:45 pm
Location: Chicago

Postby Ankh » Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:01 am

User avatar
Ankh
senior fellow
 
Posts: 21193
Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2010 10:01 am
Location: the gracious core

Postby Milquetoaster Strudels » Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:12 am

bongo wrote:
Eyeball Kid wrote:We did it, we're actually living in Infinite Jest


dominos to fill in president trumps concavity

I was just talking with a friend last night about how Trump will probably start dumping toxic waste at the border any day now. We truly live in the dumbest times
User avatar
Milquetoaster Strudels
 
Posts: 10768
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 8:14 pm
Location: Minneapolis

Postby an otter » Tue Jun 12, 2018 12:49 pm

i know it's an oldie but this came up again,

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-s ... department
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
ˁᵔᵜᵔˀ
User avatar
an otter
 
Posts: 15241
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:40 pm
Location: tier 3 (canadian tier 4)

PreviousNext

Return to Mamma Mia... Here We Go Again....

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: anephric, Annie May, ASH NERVE, bluemovers, Boog Powell, brittle, bro tones, carrion, churrokbyme, clouds, Cronos, deadbass, doublethink0, draw, fester, FourLegsGood, fuckles, fury, future rhombus, gandhi, goldmatt, Google [Bot], griffith scannell, guidance, hadlex, hbb, hey nathan, hideout, hilbert, hired goon, incoherent grunting, internethandle, Jake SPEED, Jefferson Zeppelin, joe, joymonger, Juneau, k_uger, KALM, lame sayings, laserblast, light rail coyote, loaf angel, MikeS, nautical hyperblast, Oh! Sweet Nuthin', palmer eldritch, Paul, pretty yeoman, qaanaaq, Rainbow Battle Kid, ric_joe, ripersnifle, Roy Roy, sassafras socks, ScaredGopher, southpaw, staple, surly, unsandpiper, wakeman, wario lopez, warmjets, Warrenandstimpy, Weasel, worrywort, xxx-xxx-xxxx